


Balance

by sunnflowers



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Comfort/Support, Depression, Everyday Life, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Masturbation, Moving On, NSFW, Nightmares, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Past Drug Use, Porn With Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Redemption, Rehabilitation, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-05-06 10:33:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5413526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnflowers/pseuds/sunnflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper had always been the kind of girl you found doing all the things you would hope she wouldn't. Fortunately, G and Amethyst were able to pull her from her destructive habits, but old habits and old friends die hard. Now she is facing a choice between the life she loves, the vices she hates, and the friends she had separated herself from so long ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -She thought back to when she and Amethyst first met. It was 3 years ago at a coffee shop. Inevitably, they crashed into each other, Amethyst’s recently purchased coffee spilling over both of them and the floor. Amethyst threw some colorful insults about Jasper’s intelligence and Jasper questioned Amethyst’s ability to do more than stand around playing with her hair. Amethyst turned on her heels to get another coffee and Jasper decided she didn’t want one that badly. A week later, Amethyst showed up behind Jasper in line. Since Jasper didn’t do apologies, she handed the barista extra money and told her to cover Amethyst’s coffee. By the time the dark haired woman realized her coffee was paid for, Jasper was disappearing out the door. -

Jasper woke to her girlfriend flailing erratically and mumbling in her sleep. “Amethyst!” She called loudly, startling the dark haired woman awake. Jasper bit her lip, she would have preferred to wake Amethyst more gently, but previous attempts had left her with at least bruises and at most a solid black eye. Amethyst sat up sharply, pulling her knees to her chest and securing them there with her arms. Jasper sat up as well, watching her girlfriend with concern. Strands of Amethyst’s long hair framed her face while her tank top had darkened with sweat. “Am?” Jasper called to her girlfriend much more gently this time, hoping she had forgotten about the nightmare. Unfortunately, the unsettling dream clung to Amethyst as her body started to shake uncontrollably. This was a sight Jasper had seen several times before. She reached over and pulled Amethyst towards her, wrapping her arms tightly around her girlfriend. 

Amethyst wasn’t very tall, standing at a moderate 5’ 4”, built with curvy hips and a heavy chest. She fit perfectly into Jasper’s strong arms, against her tall, 5’ 9” frame and broad shoulders. Slowly, the smaller woman’s shaking calmed. Jasper knew reason wouldn’t get her anywhere, she would just have to wait until Amethyst was back in reality. She whispered softly, trying to calm Amethyst and get her to breathe more regularly. After about 10 minutes, Amethyst turned to look towards Jasper, her dark eyes asking her girlfriend to release her. Jasper slowly loosened her grip, offering Amethyst the space to curl up beside her. Jasper ran her hand through Amethyst’s matted locks, brushing them away from her face. “What happened?” Jasper asked calmly. She knew that Amethyst didn’t want to talk about it, but they had made an agreement. She if it was bad enough to send her into a panic attack, she had to at least try to talk to Jasper about it. 

Jasper had explained to Amethyst how she felt shut out and how she only wanted to help. She never pushed very hard, she just wanted her girlfriend to realize that she wanted to be there for her. Amethyst swallowed audibly, her voice beginning to tremble even before her words could be spoken. Jasper leaned over towards the table, retrieving a bottle of water. “Here, drink some.” The dark haired woman took the bottle and did as she was requested. Amethyst had to admit that no matter how much she would have preferred to pretend everything was fine, Jasper did make things seem better. She handed the nearly empty bottle to Jasper, who took a sip before placing it back on the side table. “What happened, Am?” Amethyst took a breath before speaking, “It was the mirror again,” Amethyst said with a hint of shame in her voice. 

The mirror was an entity in Amethyst’s reoccurring nightmares (that were probably a product of P.T.S.D.). It appeared out of nowhere/anywhere and would show projections of Amethyst’s life, narrating any shortcomings or insecurities while distorting situations to support the negative comments. Jasper knew the mirror dreams always highlighted things Amethyst was incredibly sensitive about but it was hard to get her to say much about them. “Can you talk to me about it?” Jasper asked quietly. Amethyst buried her head into Jasper’s shoulder, trying to block out the reminders of the nightmare. “Please? I want to understand. I want to help.” Jasper knew there wasn’t much she could do, but she still wanted to be able to give Amethyst support. Amethyst spoke quietly, her head still buried in Jasper’s shoulder. “It was about you. How I don’t deserve you. How you don’t actually care about me. How no one could ever care about someone like me.” Jasper tried to stay calm, brushing her hand gently against Amethyst’s arm. 

Jasper was still trying to put the pieces together, but she understood most of what was going on. Amethyst had a rough childhood and a particularly terrible incident resulted in P.T.S.D. They didn’t talk about it much, but Jasper knew most of the details. The nightmares were common, but the mirror was a more recently added construct. Amethyst had told Jasper that the mirror was a mirror from her childhood. It not only reflected terrible things back at her, but also threatened to take her back to those times, insisting they would repeat themselves. Sometimes in her dreams, Amethyst would be trapped both inside and outside the mirror, experiencing and watching things simultaneously. She would wake from these nightmares eventually, but usually not before triggering a panic attack. Jasper was always patient, trying to soothe her, bring her back. Sometimes, when Amethyst seemed up to it, Jasper would let her calm herself, only checking in to make sure the smaller woman was okay. She was getting a lot better at it, but unfortunately, the nightmares were still fairly often.

Amethyst looked over at the small clock on her nightstand. It was 3:22 am on Saturday morning. Luckily, they didn’t have anything to do and could spend the morning in bed. Unfortunately, Amethyst knew it would take her a while to fall back asleep, and Jasper wouldn’t sleep until Amethyst did. “Jay?” Amethyst called, head still resting on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Jasper mumbled a sleepy response. “You’re a great person. Thank you.” Jasper turned to Amethyst, pulling away slightly to see her better, “What made you say that?” Jasper had high opinions of her personal talents and skills, but she generally wondered what Amethyst saw in her. Amethyst readjusted herself to see Jasper better as she spoke. “I’m just lucky to have someone so caring. You are always really awesome when stuff like this happens and I appreciate it.” The two sat on the bed together, both feeling embarrassed, but happy they had each other. Eventually, they went back to sleep, Jasper’s arm protectively around Amethyst’s waist as they slept. 

Jasper woke abruptly to her cell phone vibrating under her pillow. The alarm was signifying 6:00 am, time for Jasper to go out running. Having just recently fallen back to sleep, Jasper had no interest in getting up. She turned off the alarm and rolled back over to face Amethyst. She thought back to when she and Amethyst first met. It was 3 years ago at a coffee shop. Jasper was entering as Amethyst was exiting, both distracted by their daily routines. Inevitably, they crashed into each other, Amethyst’s recently purchased coffee spilling over both of them and the floor. As they were both hotheaded city types, it started an argument. Amethyst throwing some colorful insults about Jasper’s intelligence and Jasper questioning Amethyst’s ability to do more than stand around playing with her hair. It was a short encounter, Amethyst turned on her heels to get another coffee and Jasper decided she didn’t want one that badly. A week later, Amethyst showed up behind Jasper in line. Since Jasper didn’t do apologies, she handed the barista extra money and told her to cover Amethyst’s coffee. By the time the dark haired woman realized her coffee was paid for, Jasper was disappearing out the door. 

A week and a half after that, the two ran into each other again, literally. This time Jasper was leaving the coffee shop while Amethyst was entering. Neither were paying attention making it difficult to determine who was at fault. They cleaned themselves up and decided to sit and talk. “I’m really sorry,” Jasper started. “I wasn’t paying attention.” “No worries,” Amethyst replied. “Neither was I. And I guess if you let me buy you coffee, we’ll be even.” Jasper couldn’t take her eyes off Amethyst’s smile. “Uhmm, okay,” Jasper replied, unsure if she should really take her up on her offer. “What do you drink?” Amethyst asked pleasantly. As she walked to the counter to place the order, Jasper had the urge to bolt out of the coffee shop. She hadn’t noticed before, but Amethyst was beautiful. Long dark hair that fell to the middle of her back, dark eyes framed with thick lashes, and perfectly curved body. The dark haired woman returned to the table, placing a coffee cup in front of Jasper. “Well, I’m Amethyst. And I think we’re even now.” She smiled again and Jasper’s heart melted. She almost forgot to reply. “Oh, I’m uhm, Jasper.” 

Amethyst watched as Jasper nervously played with the sleeve on her coffee cup. She felt a little bad for cursing out the woman a few weeks ago. It was obviously an accident that they crashed into each other. Jasper was just rather tall and Amethyst herself was rather short, and the doors to the coffee shop didn’t make it easy to see who was on the other side. Amethyst sipped her coffee, she had been watching Jasper since the day they ran into each other. The woman was tall with thick uncontrolled almost bleached blonde hair. It was swept back into a ponytail, but much of it was just doing whatever it felt like. It was clear to Amethyst that although Jasper put a lot of effort into maintaining her body, she didn’t care much about her hair. Jasper was usually in a tank top and running leggings, which Amethyst thought perfectly showed off her incredibly cute ass and perfect stomach. Amethyst looked the taller woman over one more time before saying, “Jasper huh?” She paused to take another sip of coffee. “You’re cute.” 

Amethyst woke up at her normal time, 7:15, with no alarm. She felt the warm body next to her and she pushed Jasper. “You didn’t go running,” Amethyst said with disappointment. Jasper only groaned a reply. Amethyst rolled over and shook her girlfriend awake. “Jay, you didn’t get up to run.” Jasper blinked sleepily unsure of the point Amethyst was trying to make. “Jasper!” Amethyst said loudly, causing Jasper to fully open her eyes. “What? So I didn’t go running …” Amethyst smiled at her. She loved everything about her girlfriend, especially the pathetically forgivable faces she made when she was tired. Amethyst gently kissed her before speaking, “You were supposed to meet G.” “Fuck!!” Jasper grabbed her phone and pulled at the charging cord before checking her messages. She had one that was in fact from G. _Bailed on me again I see. You owe me –G._ Jasper groaned as Amethyst removed the phone from her hand and set it on the side table. “G will forgive you,” Amethyst said softly. “G ALWAYS forgives you.” 

Jasper closed her eyes again. Amethyst was right, G always forgave her. This wasn’t the first time Jasper had canceled or outright forgot about plans with G. Amethyst had been trying to get Jasper to use her phone calendar but the blonde woman couldn’t be bothered. She either forgot to put things into the calendar or she ignored the alerts. Amethyst told her she was hopeless and Jasper was pretty sure she was. She blamed it on her lazy west coast way, everything could wait. Jasper was actually surprised Amethyst put up with it. As an east coast import, Amethyst always had a schedule, everything had a time and that time was usually 5 mins ago. Sometimes Jasper felt they balanced each other out well. 

Amethyst stood up, stretching as she shed her clothing onto the bedroom floor. Jasper hated when she did that, wondering why she couldn’t just use the hamper right next to her. The reason was twofold, first, Amethyst was just messy by nature. She used the idea of lowest energy to rule her life and the hamper most definitely required more energy than just dropping the clothing as she stripped. Second was that the hamper was too close to the mirror. Amethyst avoiding looking in the full length mirror that hung on the wall unless she was fully clothed in bright daylight. She hadn’t quite told Jasper about it because she knew her girlfriend would just take the mirror down and she didn’t want that. Amethyst avoided gazing in that direction most of the time, and it wasn’t very hard. The mirror was at an angle that required you to be standing directly in front of it to see your reflection, and that is how the dark haired woman liked it. 

“Ugh. I already slept through my morning run, so I’m not getting up,” Jasper groaned after she felt Amethyst’s weight leave the bed. “Even if you hadn’t you would have just gone back to bed,” Amethyst retorted. “Come back!” Jasper whined, eyes still closed. The blonde woman wasn’t known to whine, unless she was tired, then she became worse than a bratty 5-year-old. “Some of us have things to do you know?” Amethyst said with a smile. She enjoyed their playful arguments, especially when Jasper wasn’t awake enough to defend herself. “Pleeeease?” Jasper’s pathetic cry just made Amethyst giggle. Without a word, the dark haired woman crawled back into the bed and straddled her girlfriend. She pushed at Jasper’s shirt, exposing her broad chest. Amethyst leaned forward, taking Jasper’s nipple into her mouth and sucking softly. “Aaaaaammmmmm!” Jasper wanted to be mad, but she was too distracted to find the appropriate reaction. Amethyst moved over to the other nipple, flicking at it with her tongue, listening to the soft whine from her girlfriend. Amethyst placed her mouth by Jasper’s ear and whispered softly, “Do you want to sleep or do you want me to continue?” 

Jasper felt the familiar charge of energy surge down her body. It started in her upper chest and moved rapidly down her spine and stomach, pulsing at her groin. She took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to compose herself as best she could. Her eyelids were too heavy to bother opening them, so she just reached up to Amethyst’s shoulders. Her fingers tangled in Amethyst’s hair for a short moment before her nails raked down the shorter woman’s back. Amethyst shuddered, letting out an audible groan as her girlfriend’s nails reached the bottom of her ass. Amethyst shook her head and clenched her teeth, staring down at her mate, eyes closed and fully dressed. She had a purely evil idea and decided to execute it immediately. She curled up beside Jasper and whispered to her, “You really should get up. It’s so much more fun when we’re both naked.” She swiped her tongue over Jasper’s earlobe as she said it. The taller woman groaned, but didn’t move. Well, Amethyst thought to herself, she got her chance. 

Amethyst stood, once again stretching before walking to the desk across from Jasper’s side of the bed. They rarely used it, but it was a good surface for the occasional craft or document that needed signing. She picked up the small pile of papers off the top and placed them onto the floor. Amethyst hopped onto the desk, making herself comfortable, one leg crossed under her while the other was propped up, knee to her chest. “Last chance Jay,” Amethyst said sweetly, though her girlfriend only groaned again in reply. Amethyst smiled wickedly as she slid her hand between her legs, gently brushing her fingers against her clit. She sharply inhaled, not expecting her fingers to be as cold as they were, but she quickly warmed them between her legs. Slowly, Amethyst let her fingertips circle her clit, a soft moan or two slipping from her mouth as she did. She could feel the sensitive tissue starting to swell as the heat spread though her body. Her other hand gently grasped her breast, accidently brushing against one of her incredibly hard nipples. This time she moaned deeply, closing her eyes at the unexpected touch. 

Jasper opened her eyes slightly and realized Amethyst wasn’t on the bed. As she turned, she heard her girlfriend moaning from behind her. “Am, what are you …” Jasper trailed off as she saw her girlfriend naked, sitting on the desk slowly rubbing her clit. She looked unbelievably gorgeous. Her dark hair spayed over her shoulders, her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open. Jasper just sat and watched. Amethyst continued running her fingers over her clit, this time moving to an up and down motion. Jasper watched Amethyst’s fingers slide between the skin that had been parted by the swelling of her clit. “Ahhhhhhh,” Amethyst cried out, her body shaking slightly. Jasper didn’t take her eyes off her girlfriend, everything about her was beautiful. And although she wanted to replace Amethyst’s fingers with her own, she didn’t want to give up the view she had right now. 

Amethyst wasn’t sure Jasper was even paying attention, but she had gone too far to care anymore. The buildup in her core was so distracting she couldn’t think about anything but releasing it. Her fingers continued to dance against her clit coaxing her towards the edge. She moaned a few more times, unsure how loud she was before she was silenced by Jasper’s lips pressed against hers. She slowly opened her eyes to see that Jasper had played into her little game. The tall blonde stood naked in front of the desk reaching for Amethyst’s wrists as she kissed her deeply. Amethyst smiled wickedly at her girlfriend, happy that her plan had worked as well as it did, but Jasper was onto her game. Jasper’s lips brushed against Amethyst’s neck before she picked the spot halfway between her collar bone and ear to suck gently. Amethyst bit the inside of her lip hard, trying to keep quiet, but even that didn’t stifle the moan that started low in her throat. She tried to reach towards her girlfriend, eager to have their bodies against each other, but Jasper held firmly to her wrists. Amethyst was left to moan softly as Jasper continued the assault on her neck. 

When Jasper finished admiring the deep bruise she had left, she pressed her forehead against Amethyst’s looking into her eyes. Amethyst noticed that Jasper’s pupils were wide, dilated with only soft gold rings surrounding them. She scooped up Amethyst and carried her back to the bed, laying her down gently onto the mattress. Jasper trailed kisses from Amethyst’s stomach down the inside of her thigh and back up while the shorter woman ran her fingers though the blonde mess of hair. Without hesitation, Jasper leaned down and pressed her tongue against Amethyst’s swollen clit, closing her mouth around it and sucking. “Jay … fuck … keep going,” Amethyst panted, having a difficult time focusing on anything but how close she was to orgasming. Jasper continued to tease Amethyst, brushing her tongue back and forth against her clit but never hard enough to allow her to come. Amethyst gripped the bed in frustration, tensing her muscles in an attempt to bring herself to orgasm faster. She finally tugged on Jasper’s hair, pleading with her girlfriend to stop teasing her. Jasper looked up at her with a sly grin. By now Amethyst’s eyes were dilated as well as half lidded. “Please …” Amethyst whispered softly. Jasper smiled sliding two fingers into Amethyst’s eager body and returning her tongue to smaller woman’s clit. 

Amethyst tried to stay quiet, but she couldn’t prevent the moans that escaped with every movement of Jasper’s fingers. The taller woman curled her fingers over and over, pressing them against the soft tissue lining Amethyst’s core. Her tongue flicked back and forth steadily, pushing Amethyst closer to the edge with every movement. “Fuck … Jasper … Ugghhh … fuck,” Amethyst tipped her head backwards trying to keep control for just a little longer, but Jasper switched to sucking on her clit and it pushed Amethyst over the edge. Her body tensed and she tightened her grip on Jasper’s hair as she came. Jasper stopped moving her fingers, but continued the assault on Amethyst’s clit. A second wave hit Amethyst as she orgasmed again, this time she didn’t bother trying to control her outcry. Finally, she couldn’t take any more and she pulled Jasper away from her overly sensitive body. Jasper slowly removed her fingers from Amethyst’s body and quickly licked them clean. 

Jasper laid on her back next to Amethyst, kissing her girlfriend softly and placing her arm around her. After a few minutes, Amethyst rolled over wrapping her arms around Jasper’s chest, her stomach pressed against the blonde woman’s ribs. “Fuck Jay,” Amethyst said in almost a whisper. “How do you go from zero to 10 in like a second?” Jasper opened one eye as she spoke, “Huh?” Amethyst giggled, holding Jasper closer. “You were almost asleep, then you were standing in front of me practically drooling.” Jasper gave a weak dog bark before gently pinching Amethyst’s hip. The shorter woman giggled drawing closer to Jasper’s body. “What? You didn’t think that … display of yours was enough to get me out of bed?” Amethyst shrugged, “Wasn’t sure what it was enough to do.” She snickered, mostly to herself, “But I thought I’d find out.” 

Amethyst slid her hand down the outside of Jasper’s hip before letting her fingers dive into the short blonde hair framing her girlfriend’s sex. Jasper groaned, letting her legs part slightly as Amethyst’s fingers passed over the hood of her clit. She slowly pressed two fingers into Jasper’s core as she gently bit her ear. “Jay?” Amethyst ask innocently as she let her fingers slide slowly into her girlfriend’s core and back out. “That look on your face was pretty fierce while I was sitting on the desk. Did watching me masturbate turn you on?” Amethyst intentionally pressed her fingers to the soft tissue lining the core of Jasper’s body. Jasper could only moan softly in response. “I didn’t quite get that,” Amethyst replied sarcastically. “Does it turn you on?” She reached her other hand to Jasper’s hair and gently tugged. “Ugggg, yesssssss babe.” Amethyst smiled, but wasn’t satisfied yet. “What else turns you on love?” She whispered into her girlfriend’s ear. Jasper’s slight moans became more regular as Amethyst let her thumb graze Jasper’s clit. Amethyst tightened her grip on Jasper’s hair, “What else Jay?” Jasper knew Amethyst wouldn’t let her come if she didn’t cooperate, that she would be punished in some way. And actually, that was what turned her on. 

Jasper moaned through clenched teeth, eyes tightly closed as Amethyst tugged at her hair slightly harder. “Thaaat … that does,” Jasper replied finally. Amethyst giggled again, knowing exactly what her girlfriend was referring to. “What’s ‘that’ Jay? This?” Amethyst tugged again at Jasper’s hair, this time much harder. “Ugggghhhhh YYEEESSSS!” Jasper was panting now, trying to hold it together. “Tell me what else, what else turns you on?” Amethyst whispered almost inaudibly, sending a shiver through Jasper’s body. “Fuck Am,” Jasper panted through her words, “I’m so close.” Amethyst knew there was no way Jasper could get off with the little stimulation she was being providing. She needed something more, something she wouldn’t get if she didn’t play along. “Then tell me Jay, what turns you on? Something I don’t know babe.” Jasper bit her lip. It was incredibly difficult for her to think, but it wasn’t going to get any easier until she gave her girlfriend what she wanted. 

“Ughhh, you already know Am!” Jasper moaned again, her hips bucking as Amethyst’s thumb brushed her clit. “What do I already know?” Amethyst said softly leaning over to kiss her girlfriend deeply. Jasper realized she might in fact be desperate to get off. She pulled Amethyst close to her, running her hands through the long dark hair. “You know,” Jasper said breathing heavily. “Pulling my hair … scratching my back … ughhh … biting … w-watching you c-come,” Jasper let out another moan as Amethyst nipped at her neck softly. The knot in her core was slowly building, Jasper needed desperately to come. Amethyst pressed her mouth to Jasper’s ear and whispered to her softly, “Restraints, licking your inner thigh, sucking your nipples, whispering into your ears, making you wait to come … … they all turn you on don’t they Jasper?” Amethyst added a third finger to her girlfriend’s body and paid a little more attention to her clit. “Shit Am,” Jasper said, screwing her eyes closed. “Yes,” she panted, “That all turns me on!” Amethyst looked down at her girlfriend stretched out on the bed. She adored being in control, how she could make Jasper’s body respond any way she wanted. Jasper’s body was tense and she was breathing hard, she was really quite close. And Amethyst did really love to watch Jasper come. 

She kissed Jasper deeply once more before pressing her mouth to her girlfriend’s ear, “Come for me Jay, I want to hear you.” Almost immediately, Jasper’s body tensed and she let out a loud moan. Amethyst watched as Jasper’s orgasm rippled through her body, her back arching, her fists clenching. She slowly slid her fingers from her girlfriend’s body, trying hard to be gentle. Jasper’s body shook again from a second, less intense orgasm. Amethyst wiped her hand on her thigh and wrapped her arm softly around Jasper’s upper body, listening to her girlfriend heartbeat return to normal. “You okay?” She said gently after a few mins. Jasper curled up, pressing her back against Amethyst, allowing her to spoon. She reached for her girlfriend’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Yea, I’m good.” Amethyst took a quick look at the clock, 9:26, they had some time. “Sleep babe.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Jasper picked up her phone and began a message to Lapis.
> 
>  
> 
> _I dunno if that’s such a great idea Laz. I’ve been out of that scene and doing really well. –J._
> 
>  
> 
> _Your woman not want you to go? Come on Jasp, it’ll be fun! Vee’s coming and so are the others. –L._
> 
>  
> 
> _First, don’t bring Am into this. Second, telling me Queen Blow and D.J. Meth are gonna be there doesn’t make this sound more appealing. –J.-_

Amethyst blinked several times to adjust her vision. 10:45 am, not bad she thought to herself. She looked over and saw Jasper was still sleeping. Typical, that girl could sleep for days if left undisturbed. Don’t get it wrong, Amethyst loved her sleep more than most, but she couldn’t stay asleep the way Jasper could. She was either woken by nightmares, or she would get restless and just want to do something. She slowly got out of bed as to not wake Jasper and grabbed a towel from the drawer before entering the bathroom. 

She let out a sigh before she haphazardly ran her fingers through her hair, trying to rid it of any large knots before brushing it. She turned on the shower and let the water warm up, glancing at her reflection in the mirror to see how much work her hair needed. The bathroom mirror didn’t bother Amethyst, she always felt like the bathroom was a safe place. Most likely because it was the only room in her childhood home with a lock on it. She stepped into the shower and grabbed the shower gel, slowly lathering it into her hands and gliding her hands over her body. She stopped at her lower back, tracing her fingers over the thick scar tissue. Some days it felt different, today it felt raised and wide, as if it was taking over her back. She’d have to ask Jasper if it looked any different, she thought to herself. She couldn’t look at it herself. A quick memory of her falling through the living room table flashed before her eyes and she shook her head. It was too much for her to think about. She moved down to her legs before abandoning the shower gel for shampoo. 

Jasper picked up her phone and checked her messages. 1 from G, 2 from Pearl, 1 from work, and 3 from Lapis. She groaned as she read through them. What the hell does Lapis want at this hour? She thought to herself. G was pissed she bailed on their scheduled run, Pearl wants to remind her they have a double date tonight, work sent out a mass message about the power shutdown on Monday. Lapis. Jasper sighed as she began to read the text. The bar/club Lapis worked at was having a special event tonight and she wanted Jasper to show up. Jasper stared at the ceiling thinking about how terrible of an idea that was. Lapis was a friend from another part of Jasper’s life she would rather not think about. A time that involved a lot of alcohol, a fair amount of fighting, and a small amount of hard, illegal drug use. She put the phone down as Amethyst walked into the bedroom. 

“Jay?” Amethyst asked timidly as she walked towards the bed. Jasper sat up smiling at the site of her girlfriend. “C-can you look at my back?” Jasper reached out and gently put her hand on Amethyst’s waist, guiding her towards the bed. As Amethyst sat on the edge of the bed, she let the towel pool around her hips and leaned forward slightly. Jasper moved so she was sitting directly behind Amethyst. She kissed her girlfriend’s shoulder and wrapped her arm around the shorter woman. “It hasn’t changed, just looks a little red. Probably from running your fingers over it. Do you want me to put anything on it?” Jasper tilted her head to see her girlfriend’s face. Amethyst leaned over and grabbed one of the bottles from her side table, handing it to Jasper. The blonde woman looked at the label on the bottle before pouring some of the contents into her hand and coating Amethyst’s lower back with it. “Is it bothering you today?” She asked gently. Amethyst just nodded in reply. She knew the scar was only bothering her because she spent a significant amount of time rubbing at it while she was in the shower, but she wasn’t going to tell Jasper that. She didn’t have to, Jasper already knew. 

Amethyst stood at the dresser in a pair of jeans, but topless, trying to find a bra in the pile of clothing she had jammed into her drawer. Jasper had long since pulled on jeans and a tank top and was standing in front of the mirror brushing her hair. “Pearl wanted to remind us of the double date at 6. I told her we’d be there, is that still cool with you?” “Yup,” Amethyst replied finally fully dressed. “So …” Jasper trailed off, unsure she wanted to have this conversation with Amethyst right now. “Lapis sent me a message, well a few actually.” Amethyst turned to her girlfriend, waiting for her to continue. “I guess the club is having some event tonight and she wants me to go.” Several thoughts ran though Amethyst’s mind but she decided she didn’t need to bring any of that up. “Okay,” she said simply. Then asked, “Are you gonna go?” Jasper bit her lip, that was not the response she was expecting from Amethyst and she wasn’t sure how to respond. “I … I dunno.” “Okay,” Amethyst answered, “Just let me know what you decide to do babe.” Amethyst kissed Jasper’s arm as she walked by, “I’m gonna make lunch.” 

Jasper sat back down on the bed. She knew what Amethyst was doing and she didn’t like it. She picked up her phone and began a message to Lapis. _I dunno if that’s such a great idea Laz. I’ve been out of that scene and doing really well. –J._ Jasper stretched out on the bed and held the phone to her chest. She wasn’t even sure what this club event was, but she knew it would end badly. But if she knew that, why was she still considering attending? Her phone buzzed softly in her hands. _Your woman not want you to go? Come on Jasp, it’ll be fun! Vee’s coming and so are the others. –L._ Jasper rolled her eyes. Lapis just inadvertently gave her several more reasons it was a terrible idea to go to this event. She typed another quick message before shoving her phone into her pocket. _First, don’t bring Am into this. Second, telling me Queen Blow and D.J. Meth are gonna be there doesn’t make this sound more appealing. –J._ She got up and went to see what Amethyst had decided to make for lunch. 

Jasper lazily flipped the channels on the television. She was lying across the couch, her head in Amethyst’s lap. Amethyst was running her fingers through Jasper’s hair. “You’ve gone through all the channels 3 times. Put on Netflix or something,” Amethyst said gently. Instead, Jasper hit the power button and dropped the remote onto the floor. She took a deep breath before she spoke. “I want to go to that party tonight, Am.” Her body tensed waiting for her girlfriend to respond. After a long pause, Amethyst realized Jasper was waiting for her to speak. “Oh. Uhmm okay,” she said confused. Jasper closed her eyes, obviously not making herself clear. She felt the soft drag of Amethyst’s nails against her scalp and sighed. “It’s not okay. Vee will be there and so will S.C. and some other people. It’s a terrible idea, but … for some reason I still want to go.” Amethyst looked down at her girlfriend, “Jay, it’s up to you. I’m not your mom, I’m not gonna say you can’t go.” Jasper rolled over to look up at Amethyst. “What if I end up doing something stupid?” Amethyst laughed, “Well, I think you’re better than that. But yea, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to do dumb things. That’s why it’s a terrible idea. I know you and Lapis are friends and that you hung out with those guys for a while, they were a big part of your life. If you want to go spend time with them, I’m not gonna stop you.” Amethyst sighed, “But, you know that’s still their scene. You know what they’ll be doing.” They were silent for a few minutes before Amethyst tapped Jasper’s shoulder, “Up, we gotta get ready.” 

Pearl was particularly excited to see Amethyst and Jasper enter the restaurant. “Amethyst!!” Pearl wrapped her thin arms around the short woman and smiled cheerfully. “Hey Pearl, how are you doing?” Amethyst had known Pearl since they were in high school. Pearl was rather attached to her friend and had soon become friends with Jasper when the two started dating. “I’m great. Hi Jasper,” Pearl hugged Jasper before taking a step back. “Wow Am, how’d you get Jasper to clean up?” Jasper turned away from the two, her face red. Amethyst just laughed, “She’s pretty cute, even presentable sometimes. That is if you can get her out of her running attire.” Jasper shoved her hands in her pocket and took a few steps away from the women. She looked over at Jamie, Pearl’s boyfriend. “Hey Jamie, how are you doing?” Jamie smirked at Jasper, “Well, they aren’t talking about me, so I’m great.” Amethyst walked over and laced her fingers through Jasper’s before they headed to their table. 

“So,” Pearl said softly, “Uhmm, we wanted to talk to you guys about something.” Jamie reached for Pearl’s hand under the table. “A few days ago, I … I asked Pearl to marry me and she said yes.” Jamie grinned brightly but avoided eye contact. “Congratulations guys! That’s wonderful,” Amethyst replied. “That’s awesome! Congrats,” Jasper said with a smile. Pearl smiled back, but bit her lip shyly. “Am, would you be my maid of honor?” Amethyst was shocked but smiled widely, “I would love to, P!” They ordered champagne to celebrate and Jasper started a toast. “To our friends, the happy couple.” Amethyst picked up from there, “May every day you have together be better than the last.” Pearl cried through the whole conversation and eventually excused herself to the rest room asking Amethyst to go with her. 

Jamie was still avoiding eye contact when Pearl and Amethyst left for the rest room. “Congratulations, that’s awesome that you two are ready to get married,” Jasper smiled at Jamie. “Yea,” Jamie looked up finally and smiled. “I’m really nervous about planning the wedding, but I’m excited Pearl wants to move forward with me.” Jamie began to twist his napkin in his hands. “Don’t worry about it. As maid of honor, Am will help a ton I’m sure, and I’m happy to help as well. It’s gonna be perfect.” Jamie relaxed a little. “Thanks. So …” he looked back down at the table. “What about you and Amethyst? Are you two thinking about marriage?” For the second time Jasper’s face turned bright red. Luckily, she was saved by Amethyst and Pearl’s return. “What’d we miss?” Amethyst asked as she sat down eyeing Jasper suspiciously. “Nothing,” Jasper replied, “Just congratulating Jamie and talking about wedding plans.” 

After dinner, Jasper and Amethyst walked back to their apartment. “I’m really happy for Pearl,” Amethyst said quietly. “I am too, they both seem really happy and that’s great,” Jasper replied. They stopped in front of the door to their building, Amethyst looking anxious. “Be careful Jay, please?” Jasper leaned over to kiss Amethyst. “I will be fine, I promise. I’m just going to hang out for a little while and then I’ll be back.” Jasper smiled at her girlfriend hoping to convince her that really there was nothing to worry about. “Just be careful.” Amethyst laced her fingers through Jasper’s as she spoke, “I love you.” Jasper grinned as she kissed Amethyst again, “I love you too.” 

Jasper pulled out her ID for the bouncer and got a strange look. “Don’t I know you,” the short dark skinned woman said as she took the ID. Jasper just shrugged. The bouncer held the ID in her hand, “Jasper huh?” She closed her eyes tightly for a second before snapping her fingers. “You’re G’s friend right? We met a few months ago. I’m Ruby.” The bouncer extended her hand to Jasper who nodded, suddenly remembering the woman. “Right. How’s it going?” Ruby eyed Jasper as she handed back her ID. “What the fuck are you doing here?” That was exactly what Jasper was hoping Ruby wouldn’t ask. “I mean,” Ruby quickly tried to backpedal from her rude comment. “This just isn’t the kind of place I’d be expecting to see one of G’s friends.” Jasper stared at the ground, “Well you’re here now aren’t you?” Ruby caught the tone in Jasper’s voice but wasn’t about to let that scare her. “Yea, I work here. What’s your excuse?” Jasper wasn’t interested in starting a fight, especially not with a friend of G’s. “Lapis.” Ruby’s eyes widened as Jasper replied. “Seriously?” She shook her head, “Then you’re at the wrong door.” Ruby poked her head back into the club. “Down that hall over there, and up the stairs. It’s the green door on the left.” “Thanks,” Jasper mumbled as she started to walk inside. “Hey,” Ruby called to her. “Watch yourself okay?” Jasper just nodded. Fuck. What has Lapis gotten her into tonight?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -“Jasp! What took you so long?” The intoxicated woman stood and threw herself into Jasper’s arms. She walked Vee back to the couch and sat down next to her. “I miss you!” Vee said with a smile. “I missed her more!” Lapis said as she fell into Jasper’s lap. “I missed you too,” Jasper said quietly.-

Jasper knocked on the green door and waited. She was already rethinking her decision to come out to see Lapis tonight. A young girl with short blonde hair and bright green eyes opened the door. “What do you want?” She said to Jasper clearly uninterested in the answer. Jasper just rolled her eyes, “I’m looking for Lapis. “And?” the young woman replied. Jasper clenched her fists in irritation. “And, I was told she was here.” The green eyed girl just stood in the doorway looking unimpressed. “And what if she is?” Jasper started cracking her knuckles, mostly as something to do that wasn’t punching the girl in front of her. “Whatever, I don’t have time for this. Is she here or not?” All of a sudden Jasper heard a high pitched giggle followed by what could only be described as a whine, “Whoooooos at the door Peeerrrrriiiiiii??” Christ, Jasper thought to herself, it was Lapis and she was already high. As the woman in the doorway turned to answer Lapis, Jasper pushed her aside and walked in. 

The room was well lit, but smoky, Lapis was sitting on a couch with Vee. The girl from the doorway was yelling at Jasper about how she couldn’t be in here when she was interrupted by a loud squeal from Vee. “Jasp! What took you so long?” The intoxicated woman stood and threw herself into Jasper’s arms. “Well, your guard dog over there didn’t want to let me in.” Peri scowled as she went to sit with Lapis. Jasper walked Vee back to the couch and sat down next to her. “I miss you!” Vee said with a smile. Lapis handed Peri her drink before climbing over Vee to greet Jasper. “I missed her more!” Lapis said as she fell into Jasper’s lap. She wrapped her arms around Jasper’s neck and kissed her. Jasper just shook her head, knowing there wasn’t much she’d be able to do about it. Peri, who seemed to be fuming on the other side of the couch got up and left the room. “I missed you too,” Jasper said quietly. “Who’s the runt anyway?” Lapis searched the room until Jasper gestured towards the doorway. “Oh! That’s my girlfriend, Peri.” Jasper glared at Lapis, “Laz, she’s like 18.” Lapis just giggled, “19 actually, but I know.” 

From around the corner Jasper could hear a faint voice saying, “You can be such a meathead Larz!” She smiled to herself, “Is Sadie here?” “Yup!” Lapis replied rolling onto Vee’s lap. Jasper got up and headed to the other room. She was quickly greeted by the boys, Larz, Dew, and S.C. “Hey guys, how’s it going?” After their short greeting, she ducked into a back room where Sadie was sitting with Peri. “No Peri, it isn’t like that,” She heard Sadie saying. As Jasper entered, the room went silent. Peri glared at her, her eyes narrowed and face tear stained. “Relax,” Jasper said holding up her hands. “I don’t want your girlfriend. If you ask me you’d be better off without her, but trust me, I won’t be the one to take her from you. We’re just old friend.” Sadie stood to hug Jasper and Peri stormed out of the room. The two sat down hoping to catch up.

“It’s really nice to see you Jasp,” Sadie said with a smile. Jasper smiled back, “It’s nice to see you too. How have you been?” Sadie looked at the floor, “Oh you know. Not much has changed around here. What about you? I’ve heard you’re doing really well.” Jasper blushed slightly, “Yea, I guess. Amethyst and I have been together almost 3 years. Job’s going well. I’ve managed to stay out of this scene since the last you saw of me.” Sadie smiled, “That’s really great, I’m proud of you. Stuff has calmed down here. Dew and I have been clean since you left. S.C. and Larz have been trying really hard too.” Jasper leaned over to hug Sadie, “Congratulations, that’s awesome.” Sadie nervously giggled, “Yea. It’s nice to feel like shit is in control you know?” Jasper nodded. “Yea, I do. I’m proud of you too Sadie. That’s really great.” Jasper took a deep breath, “So, what’s going on with Laz?” Sadie bit her lip as she walked to the door. She poked her head out for a second and closed it, then returned to her seat next to Jasper. 

“She’s kind of a mess Jasper.” Jasper scoffed, “Tell me something I don’t know.” “No, really,” Sadie said softly. “She found a new supplier.” Jasper sighed. “She’s been dating Peri for like 2 months now, but before her there were 2 other 18 year olds.” They were both silent for a moment. “What about Vee?” Sadie looked at the floor, “Vee doesn’t want to believe anything’s wrong. She’s usually pretty drunk and claims Laz is too.” Jasper ran her hand through her hair, “Well fuck. I need a drink, how about you?” They grabbed two drinks before settling back onto the couch in the front room with Vee, Lapis and Peri. 

“Where are the guys?” Jasper asked swallowing the last of her drink. “S.C. is the DJ tonight. They went down to the club,” Sadie said as she stood up. “Here, I’ll get you another.” She grabbed Jasper’s glass and went to fill them both. “Jasp,” Lapis purred as she leaned over, falling and landing in Jasper’s lap. “Laz,” Jasper replied, finding it hard not to laugh at the inebriated woman. “We never spend time together!” Jasper shook her head, “That’s because you’re always high.” Lapis just giggled. Sadie returned with two drinks and handed one to Jasper. Peri sat on the arm of the couch sipping a drink, clearly unhappy with her girlfriend’s behavior. “No reeeeeaaallllly. Why don’t you spend time with me anymore?” Lapis leaned over and began kissing Jasper’s neck. “Quit it,” Jasper said pulling Lapis away from her. Lapis gave Jasper a fake pout before sliding her hands up the blonde woman’s shirt. “Lapis! Enough already.” Jasper looked around the room, Vee was passed out on a lounge chair, Peri was quite drunk, glaring at her girlfriend, and Sadie was sipping her drink giving Jasper a sympathetic look. Jasper shook her head, “Would you guys mind?” She said to Sadie, “I think Laz and I need to talk for a minute.” Sadie stood, “Yea, no problem. Peri, let’s see how the guys are doing.” Sadie grabbed the girls arm and pulled her off the couch, throwing one last sympathetic look to Jasper before the door closed behind them. 

Jasper filled two glasses with water and sat back down next to Lapis. “Laz, what the hell are you doing to yourself?” She handed Lapis the glass and after it was clear she wasn’t going to drink it, Jasper placed it on the table. “I’m just having fun Jasp! You used to have fun with us.” Lapis brushed a strand of hair from her face and Jasper took a long look at her old friend. Her dark hair was freshly highlighted with deep blue streaks, but her face looked hollow, her cheeks slightly caved in, and her frame looked thin and weak. “Laz,” Jasper said softly. “You’re dating a 19 year-old. She’s not even old enough to be in this club. And on top of that, you’re trying to make out with me while she’s sitting right next to you. What’s going on with you?” Lapis glared at Jasper, “Me? What’s going on with you Jasper? We had a good thing and you just … you just left us!” Jasper sighed, “I didn’t leave you Laz. I got my life together. Look around you, Sadie and Dew have straightened out their lives, Larz and S.C. are trying. Hell even Vee has stopped most of her bullshit.” “I have my life together,” Lapis growled. “And Vee still has fun with me. She doesn’t have a problem with my life. She hangs out and drinks…” “You know why she drinks Laz?” Jasper cut Lapis off. “She drinks because she doesn’t want to leave you behind but she can’t be a part of this anymore. She drinks to meet you half way and eventually just keeps drinking to forget.” Jasper stood, “I love you Lapis. I really do, but you’ve gotta decide what you want.” She kissed Lapis on the cheek and walked out. 

Jasper pushed her way through the crowded club and up to the DJ table where Sadie stood. “Hey,” Jasper said loudly. “Can we talk a second?” Sadie nodded and lead Jasper out the side door. “I wanted to say goodbye. I had a talk with Laz, it didn’t go well, but I think I made my point.” Jasper looked down at the ground. “I love her Sadie, but she won’t listen. And just because she wants to screw up her life, doesn’t mean I have to let her screw up mine.” Sadie nodded. “I’m glad you’ve stayed away Jasp. I think it’s been good for you. You’re missed, definitely, but we all still want you to be happy.” Jasper smiled, “Thanks. Stay in touch.” They headed back into the club and Jasper said her goodbyes to the boys. As she headed out, she saw Ruby talking to Peri. “I don’t care who you’re with, you can’t come in the club!” Peri’s eyes started to fill with tears as Ruby refused her entry. “Hey, Ruby?” Jasper said softly, “Can we talk for a second?” Ruby shrugged before stepping back into the doorway with Jasper. 

“She’s 19, I know she can’t be in the club, but could you let her go back upstairs?” Ruby looked back at Jasper her expression blank. “Maybe just as a personal favor? Lapis needs someone to watch out for her.” Ruby looked unconvinced, “She’s 19, Jasper.” “Yea, but I know she’s carrying a fake ID. If she causes trouble, I saw her sneak in when you were checking someone else’s ID. Please?” Ruby looked at the blonde girl and sighed. “Yea, okay. But if anything happens, remember I can find you!” Ruby said jokingly. Jasper walked over to Peri and put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “If you have any sense, you’ll get out now. Lapis is only going to drag you down with her.” Peri sniffed softly, “But I love her.” Jasper sighed, “Yea. I love her too. But unfortunately that isn’t enough. Go back upstairs and stay out of the club.” The girl eyed Ruby, “But the bouncer …” “Taken care of, just stay out of the club.” Peri gave a half smile before running back to Lapis. Ruby grinned as she looked towards Jasper, “That was really sweet of you.” Jasper just laughed, “Yea, I’m drunk. It can go either way. Night Ruby.” 

Jasper finally made it home, closing the door softly as not to wake Amethyst. She walked into the bedroom and she realized Amethyst was still awake. Jasper pulled out her phone to check the time, “It’s 1:50, what are you still doing up?” “It’s Saturday night Jay,” Amethyst laughed. “How was your night?” Jasper shook her head as she stripped, tossing her clothing into the hamper. “Shit-tastic. How was yours?” Amethyst sat up and watched her girlfriend as she pulled on boxers and a tank top. “It was uneventful. Come here,” she pulled the blanket down and waited for Jasper to sit with her. “What happened?” Amethyst asked. Jasper leaned over and kissed her girlfriend. “You know I love you, right?” Amethyst took in Jasper’s words, staring at the blonde woman, trying to read her face. Jasper didn’t look like she was trying to apologize for something she had done … she looked … tried. Amethyst slid over to sit closer to Jasper. “Yes babe. I know you love me. And I love you.” She wrapped her arm around Jasper’s waist. “What happened?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -G placed her hand on Jasper’s shoulder, startling her from her thought. “I know it’s been hard, but I’m glad you’ve made it this far.” Jasper smiled at her friend. “Thanks. I didn’t think we’d be where we are now two years ago. And getting to talk to Sadie about it all was … really good. Thank you both for all the support. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.” -

Jasper leaned over and kissed Amethyst. Her mind was flooded with images of her past life, her past self and she wanted it to all go away. She knelt in front of her girlfriend and leaned in again for another kiss, one hand against the headboard to hold herself up. Amethyst ran her hand down Jasper’s back, kissing her girlfriend deeply. As Jasper caught her breath, Amethyst pushed the taller woman gently away from her. “Jasper, is everything alright?” Amethyst caught an emotion in Jasper’s eyes she couldn’t quite place as her girlfriend shook her head no. Jasper leaned in again for another kiss, this time Amethyst slide down the bed and pulled Jasper on top of her. She laced her fingers through blonde hair and pulled Jasper’s face towards her own. “Every day,” she said, her forehead pressed against Jasper’s. “Every day I’m reminded how I could never put into words how much I love you.” She kissed Jasper once more before wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and pulling her close. 

Jasper closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of their bodies close to each other. She buried her head into Amethyst’s neck as thoughts of Lapis faded in and out of her mind. Amethyst entwined their limbs as she pulled Jasper close, letting her fingers trail softly over Jasper’s skin. Jasper suddenly felt exhausted. Her body relaxed as she just let Amethyst hold her. She thought about what she had given up to get where she was now. How she had stopped hanging out with her closest friends to get away from their drug use. Her graveyard shift job she quit for something with regular hours. She thought about the many times she was accused of walking out on her friends. Then, she thought about Lapis; dating girls almost ten years younger than her, still spending her free nights getting high, pushing away anyone who wanted to help her. Jasper tried to clear her mind. She focused on the feeling of Amethyst’s fingers softly stroking her hair. She needed something solid, something to keep her grounded and Amethyst was trying. Amethyst wanted to be that something for the woman who kept her grounded; after every nightmare, after every flashback, after every breakdown. Jasper needed her and she was trying her best to be exactly what Jasper needed. 

As Jasper opened her eyes, Amethyst could feel her girlfriend’s eyelashes brush against her neck. “I had to leave,” Jasper said softly. Amethyst continued running her fingers through Jasper’s hair. “Laz was such a mess. She was trying to hook up with me while her 19-year-old girlfriend sat next to her. It was bad Am. We got into a fight about how she was behaving and … I wanted to just turn off. It was the first time in a really long time I wanted to go back to that me. I wanted to grab Sadie and just turn it all off. I didn’t know how to handle that, so I left.” Jasper blinked back the tears that came to her eyes. “There’s nothing I can do for her. She won’t listen, she just wants to blame everyone else. Everyone around her is trying so hard to get their shit together, and Laz just … won’t.” She was quiet for a moment. Then she spoke in a barely audible voice. “I’m scared. I’m scared she’s …” Jasper couldn’t finish her thought. Amethyst instinctively held Jasper tighter, “It’s okay.” 

The next morning, Amethyst woke to Jasper still wrapped in her arms. She ran her hand gently through Jasper’s hair and the blonde woman stirred, rolling over to face Amethyst. Amethyst brushed her fingers softly over Jasper’s cheek, smiling at the way Jasper’s eye lashes fluttered. She tucked the blanket around her sleeping girlfriend as she climbed out of bed as quietly as she could and headed to the kitchen. Amethyst hardly ever bothered to cook. It wasn’t that she wasn’t good at it, she was actually fairly talented in the kitchen, but so was Jasper. They didn’t have much time between them to cook elaborate meals, but Jasper usually beat Amethyst to the kitchen, especially for breakfast. She pulled eggs, cheese, sausage, and ham from the refrigerator and laid the ingredients out on the counter. Her plan was to recreate something she had made a couple years ago that Jasper had really liked. She grabbed the baking mix, hot sauce, sage, and pepper from the cabinet and hoped for luck. 

Jasper reached for her phone and realized it wasn’t on the charger. Dammit she thought to herself as she pulled it off the side table, dead. She plugged it in and waited for enough charge to turn it back on. She could smell whatever Amethyst was making for breakfast but couldn’t quite find the energy to get up. When her phone finally turned on she had several missed messages. Most were drunken messages from her friends saying they were glad to see her last night. One message was from G. _Heard you bumped into Ruby. Are you hanging with Lapis again? –G_ She checked the time on the message, 9:13 am. Jasper quickly typed a reply. _Not after last night. –J_ She looked up to see Amethyst standing in the doorway. “I made breakfast. Come eat with me.” How could she say no to that? She got out of bed, abandoning her phone and followed her girlfriend to the kitchen. 

“Am, this is amazing. Why’d you do so much?” Amethyst sat next to Jasper and poured herself a glass of orange juice then filled a mug with coffee for Jasper. “Do you remember what today is?” Jasper chewed on her food thoughtfully but didn’t come up with anything. She shrugged at her girlfriend, wondering what she wasn’t remembering. “Two years ago,” Amethyst said softly. There was a knock on the apartment door and Amethyst jumped off the stool to answer it. “G! Am didn’t tell me you were coming by.” Amethyst shot a look at Jasper, “You’ve only been up 5 minutes, when was I supposed to tell you?” G leaned over to hug Amethyst, making the already short woman look even smaller. G had 2 inches on Jasper and a lot of muscle on a thin frame. “Amethyst invited me. She said she made plenty of food and thought I’d want to celebrate with you.” Amethyst offered G her bar stool and started to fill another plate. “What are we celebrating?” Jasper asked still confused. G looked towards Amethyst, confused as well, “She doesn’t remember?” Amethyst just shrugged. Suddenly Jasper’s eyes got very wide. She reached up and took off the necklace she had worn since Amethyst gave it to her. It had a small silver pendant that read “first day of the rest of my life” across the front with the date on the back. Quickly she flipped it over and realized that it was dated two years ago today. 

She looked up to see G smiling at her as she held the pendant in her palm. “It’s been … two years? Really?” Amethyst smiled, “Yup. Two years.” Jasper silently turned the pendant around in her hand. G leaned over and gave Jasper a kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations. I’m proud of you.” Amethyst stood behind Jasper and gave her a hug. “I’m proud of you too Jay.” Jasper stared at the pendent in her hand. Had it really been two years?

\---  
She remembered that day, two years ago. She had gotten out of work around 3:00 am, Lapis and Vee picked her up. They had been out all night and wanted to grab food. The group stopped at their usual diner and happened to run into a few enemies Lapis had made that night at the bar. Long story short, there was a fight. Jasper held her own, but Vee ended up in the hospital with a broken nose and some stitches. No one is really sure what happened to Lapis as she ran off when the owner threatened to call the cops. Jasper stayed with Vee until she was discharged and drove her home. That night, when she went to visit Amethyst, the dark haired woman could see she had been in another fight. She took her to the bathroom and inspected all of Jasper’s cuts and bruises before giving her an ice pack for her cheek. “You almost had a black eye there,” Amethyst said forcing Jasper to keep the ice pack against her face. She turned Jasper so she was facing the mirror and the blonde woman looked at her face. “I’m done with this,” Jasper said quietly. Amethyst didn’t respond. “I’m fucking done doing this,” Jasper said louder this time. She left the bathroom and went to sit on Amethyst’s bed. Amethyst slowly followed and silently sat next to her. 

“Am, what am I doing with my life? I’m 25 and I have a crappy night shift job that I hate. I have friends who spend their time picking fights at bars and getting high, and every weekend we’re either at the hospital or the police station. This is fucked up.” Jasper winced as she closed her eyes. “Shit, I don’t even know what that fight this morning was even about. I just saw some girl scream at Laz then another threw a punch at Vee.” She sighed deeply before opening her eyes again. “I’m done. I need a break from this.” Jasper laid back on the bed, frustrated and tired. After a minute or two, Amethyst stood over her girlfriend. “Bullshit Jay,” she said, eyes fierce and arms crossed. “You’re choosing this life. You could get another job, you could stop participating in these ridiculous bar fights, you could stop with the drugs and the bullshit.” The anger in Amethyst’s eyes faded as she sat back down. “Either you’re willing to break away from your friends, or you’re gonna stay in this life, and you don’t seem willing. Put the ice pack back or you won’t be able to see tomorrow.” With that, Amethyst left the room. 

 

Jasper entered the living room to Amethyst curled up on the couch watching TV. She slowly approached her girlfriend, trying to test how mad she was. Amethyst looked up and patted the space on the couch next to her. Jasper sighed softly, relieved Amethyst wasn’t too angry and sat, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “You’re right,” Jasper said softly. Amethyst turned to look at Jasper and cradled her face in her hand. “I know I am. Your face is swollen already, put the ice pack back.” Jasper shook her head, “No, I mean you’re right about my friends … err my life. I could have walked away from this before, but I didn’t.” Jasper looked up at Amethyst, “But I’m going to. I just sent Vee and Laz a message and I sent one to the others as well. I told them that I couldn’t keep doing this and that I was done.” She put her head back on Amethyst’s shoulder. “I’m done with the fighting, the drugs, the club scene, all of it. I’m done. And next week, I’m looking for a new job.”  
\---

G placed her hand on Jasper’s shoulder, startling her from her thought. “I know it’s been hard, but I’m glad you’ve made it this far.” Jasper smiled at her friend. “Thanks. It was nice to hear that some of my friends are doing well too. I didn’t think we’d be where we are now two years ago. And getting to talk to Sadie about it all was … really good.” She handed her necklace to Amethyst in a silent request to put it on for her. “Thank you both for all the support. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.” Soon, they were curled up in the living room in their typical TV watching positions. G sat on the floor, long legs stretched out, leaning against the couch. Jasper sprawled across the couch, fingers gently running through G’s hair. And Amethyst sat at the end of the couch, Jasper’s head in her lap. The only thing missing was Pearl typically perched on a pillow next to G. Jasper sighed softly. This was her family, and she loved them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -“You needed to be strong for yourself. You couldn’t support them if you were just as bad off as they were. And you can’t force people to change. You’ve done the best you could Jasp.” Jasper tried to match G’s breathing, slow and deep. It was starting to help her feel better. “I can’t force people to change,” Jasper said softly to herself. After a minute or two, Jasper’s heart had stopped racing. She sat, her head resting on her knees with G’s arms around her trying to convince herself it wasn’t her fault.-

Jasper woke at 6:00 am on Wednesday morning annoyed and tired, but determined. She had promised she would go running three times a week with G and she was going to keep that promise. She needed it anyway, G forced her to push herself, something she wouldn’t do if she was running alone. Jasper slid out of bed and dug through the drawer for her running gear. She was out the door and waiting outside for G by 6:15. G showed up at 6:20 sharp, nodding at Jasper before they started to jog the first few blocks for warm up. G knew better than to try to speak to Jasper, running was like her coffee, and Jasper typically woke up in a terrible mood. When they finished their jog, they each put in their headphones. G looked up and told Jasper the route in minimal words. “Playlist 3, past the grocery store”. Jasper nodded and they each hit play. 50 minutes later, they finished their cool down run, sweaty and accomplished. By now, Jasper was awake and ready to socialize, but running was like meditation for G, so Jasper remained silent. Their eyes locked in a silent goodbye and they headed their separate ways. 

When Jasper entered her bedroom, Amethyst was sitting cross-legged on the bed, naked, drying her hair with a towel. “How was your run?” She asked Jasper with a grin. Jasper smiled back at her girlfriend, “It was good.” She stood in the doorway and stripped off her running attire. “We have to leave for work in an hour and you still need to shower.” Jasper laughed, “This is true. So I’m going to go shower now.” Amethyst stood slowly and approached Jasper, “Not what I was thinking.” Her mouth quickly closed around Jasper’s breast and the taller woman groaned audibly. “Am, I’m sweaty and need to shower!” Amethyst just flicked her tongue over Jasper’s hardened nipple. Jasper reached behind her for the door frame to steady herself. “Ughhh … Am …w-we … w-w-we’re gonna b-be … aagggg … l-late.” Amethyst softly bit Jasper’s nipple as she reached down and brushed her fingers over her girlfriend’s clit. She pulled her mouth away from Jasper’s body releasing her nipple with a soft pop. “I don’t think this will take too long.” 

She moved to Jasper’s other nipple while slowly teasing the entrance to her girlfriend’s body with two fingers. “You’re awfully wet babe. Does looking at G’s ass in running gear make you horny?” Amethyst said sarcastically. “Y-yea,” Jasper whispered, “Sexy as hell.” Amethyst bit down and Jasper let out a whimper. “You started it!” Amethyst snickered, “Yup. And I’m going to finish it too.” She let her thumb brush against Jasper’s clit as she pushed two fingers into her core. Jasper pressed her head against the door frame and unconsciously moved her legs further apart. As Amethyst’s fingers moved faster, Jasper’s muscles began to quiver. She leaned back, resting her shoulders against the wall as Amethyst slipped her arm around her girlfriend’s waist to steady her. 

Amethyst looked up at Jasper and whispered, “I thought you liked it when I fucked you against the wall especially after you finished a run.” The taller woman responded through clenched teeth, “YES! Uggh, I dooo. P-please … d-don’t st-stop!” Amethyst gave her an evil grin, “But we’re going to be late …” Jasper closed her eyes as she felt herself nearing the edge. “Please Amethyst!” Jasper begged softly. Amethyst could tell by the heavy panting that Jasper was almost there. She pressed her thumb against her girlfriend’s clit, rubbing in steady circles, fingers pressing inside Jasper’s core. “Shit … Am!” Jasper came with a loud cry, holding Amethyst tightly to keep from collapsing. Amethyst slowly removed her fingers from Jasper’s core and held her girlfriend gently. “If we didn’t have to work, I’d drag you into the shower to do that again,” Amethyst whispered softly. Jasper opened her eyes slowly and sighed. After she caught her breath she looked down at Amethyst, “Right, work. I need to shower.” Jasper shook her head and walked slowly towards the bathroom.  
\---

 _G and I are gonna make dinner then watch a movie. See you at home? –J_ Amethyst looked down at her phone as she walked to Pearl’s place. _Sounds great. Have fun. I’ll be home late. Oh, were you on time for work? :wink: –A_ She grinned at her phone knowing Jasper made it to work on time, she always did. Her phone vibrated in her hand. _I was on time, no thanks to you. Love you. –J_

Jasper pulled the pasta out of the pot just as G knocked on the door. “It’s open!” Jasper called as she tried to mix the pasta sauce and plate everything. G entered the kitchen and watched Jasper trying to hold two bowls and three pots with two hands. “Let me help,” G said gently, placing the two bowls on the counter and holding one of the pots. In a few minutes, plates were filled and they were sitting to eat. Jasper and G were very quiet when they were together, but it was a happy, content type of silence. G was quite self-assured, confident, and often contemplative and that always made Jasper feel more calm. It was distinctly different from her other group of friends, from Laz. Jasper liked that she didn’t need to be the calming force in this relationship. 

Jasper poked at the pasta in her bowl, “Do you think we can change playlist 3? Track 7 and track 9 just don’t seem to fit right.” G gazed at the bowl of pasta, obviously thinking, “Really? I like track 9.” Jasper looked up and saw G’s hazel eyes blinking back at her. “I like track 9 too. It just doesn’t seem to fit with the pace. We’re going uphill.” Jasper bit her lip as she thought. “What if we change the order? Tracks 1-4, then 7, 5, 6, then 8, 10, 11, 9, then 12, 13?” G thought about this for a moment, “Yea, that could work. I’ll reorganize it for next week’s run.” Dishes were piled into the sink and leftovers were put away before the two sunk into couch. 

G grabbed the remote from Jasper and signed into the Netflix account, finding the movie they had previously agreed to watch. Jasper half sprawled across the couch, leaning her head on G’s shoulder. After a moment, she felt G’s arm wrap around her waist and hand rest on her stomach. Jasper took a long slow breath feeling content. As the night went on, they switched to watching sitcoms. The movie was terrible and neither felt compelled to see their decision to watch it through. With little warning, G turned towards Jasper, “So, what’s wrong?” Jasper didn’t turn to make eye contact; she wasn’t interested in meeting G’s soul piercing stare at the moment. “Nothing?” Jasper hoped that would settle it, but she knew it wouldn’t. G knew her better than that. G’s fingers splayed over Jasper’s stomach in a comforting way. “I call your bullshit,” G said turning back to the TV.

They sat in silence for a while, G waiting for Jasper to speak and Jasper hoping the whole thing would blow over. After a few minutes, Jasper sighed. She knew G could beat her at the silent game, she might as well talk. “Everything?” Jasper moved to lay across the couch, her head in G’s lap. G’s fingers began to slowly comb through Jasper’s hair, helping Jasper feel less anxious. “Wanna tell me about it?” G asked softly. G and Jasper had been friends since as far back as Jasper could remember it mattering, which was probably middle school. Their relationship came and went with whatever was going on in their lives, but Jasper always knew she could go to G to talk about anything. She would always find G willing to listen and be supportive. 

“Lapis is in deeper than I have ever seen her before. And she’s deluded herself into believing she is doing just fine, it’s the rest of us who have stopped wanting to have fun with her.” Jasper could feel the tears she had been holding back begin to fill her eyes. “She’s … she’s gonna be dead G, it’s just a matter of time.” Her voice was shaky as she spoke, tears spilling down her cheeks. “And I don’t think there is anything I can do about it.” Jasper quickly sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. She felt like life was spiraling out of her control. “And she’s taking Vee down with her! Two lives, two people I care about, two people I couldn’t be strong for. They needed me and I abandoned them. This is at least partially my fault. Why couldn’t I have just been there for them?” Jasper felt G’s hands squeeze between her chest and legs, arms wrapping around her body. 

She could feel her own heart rapidly beating in her chest, but she could feel G’s as well, softly and slowly thumping against her back. “Shhh …” G held Jasper, trying to stop the anxiety from snowballing. “You needed to be strong for yourself. You couldn’t support them if you were just as fucked up as they were. And you can’t force people to change. You’ve done the best you could Jasp.” Jasper tried to match G’s breathing, slow and deep. It was starting to help her feel better. “I can’t force people to change,” Jasper said softly to herself. After a minute or two, Jasper’s heart had stopped racing. She sat, her head resting on her knees with G’s arms around her trying to convince herself it wasn’t her fault. 

After a while G spoke softly, “Do you remember when you got into that bar fight? You were only about 22. You, Sadie, Larz, Vee, S.C. and Lapis had gone out. You and Larz got into a fight and somehow some other people got dragged in?” Jasper sighed, she remembered. She had ended up with 2 broken ribs, a black eye, and tore open her hand. “Yes,” she said quietly. G’s arms tightened slightly around her, “And you showed up at my place around 3 am? I took you to the hospital and signed you in as my little sister to make sure I could stay with you.” Jasper leaned back into G’s shoulder. She did remember that, or at least remembered the parts she was conscious for. 

“You’re stubborn Jasp, and you friends were stubborn. Do you REALLY think I wanted to see my little sister in the hospital as many times as I have? But you can’t force people to change. Either you love them for who they are, or you don’t.” Jasper held G’s arms to her chest. “I don’t blame you for leaving when you did. I couldn’t expect you to keep putting up with it, I didn’t expect you to. But I’m really glad you were willing to be back in my life when things were better.” G kissed her cheek, “And you shouldn’t blame yourself for leaving Lapis.”  
\---

Amethyst woke to Jasper’s phone buzzing. “Jay,” she shook her sleeping girlfriend. “Jay, your phone.” Jasper sleepily grabbed at her phone, pulling the charger loose from the wall. “Dammit.” She looked at the phone and sighed before answering, “What Laz?” There was silence from the other end for a minute then an unfamiliar voice. “Uhmm, actually it’s Peri. Something’s wrong with Lapis and I don’t know what to do.” Peri sounded terrified. “She’s not really responding and …” Jasper cut her off, “What was she doing before this happened?” Peri paused for a minute, “We … we were drinking and then she went to the bathroom for a while …” “Fuck. Peri listen to me. Get Lapis to the hospital NOW. Once you’re there, call Sadie as many times as it takes for her to pick up and tell her where you are. I’ll be there soon.” “But, I …” “No! It isn’t a request Peri, just fucking do it!” “O-okay. And you’ll show up too?” “Yes, I’ll be there soon.” 

Jasper fell back against her pillow; she didn’t have the energy for this. She looked over and noticed Amethyst wasn’t in bed any more. She scanned the room and saw her pulling on jeans and a T-shirt. “What are you …” Amethyst stopped her, “I’m not stupid Jay. I know what’s going on. Get dressed. I’ll call work for both of us. You call Vee.” Jasper pulled herself out of bed and dressed quickly calling Vee as she did. “Hell-oh?” “Vee, Peri is bringing Lapis to the hospital. Can you pick up me and Am?” “Fuck. Why? … Yea, I’m on my way.” Jasper shoved the phone into her pocket. “Vee’s on her way.” Amethyst walked back into the bedroom. “Okay. I left a message for work for me and talked to the office for you. We’re all set.” She pulled Jasper towards her for a kiss. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

They entered the emergency room and found Peri sitting alone, crying. Vee and Jasper looked at each other, far too familiar with this situation. “Talk to Peri? I’ll talk to the nurse,” Vee said. Jasper nodded and crossed the room. Amethyst stayed put near the doorway. She knew this wasn’t something she should get involved in. She was just here for support for Jasper and to help in whatever way they needed her to. “Peri?” Jasper said softly. The girl threw her arms around Jasper and continued to cry. Jasper walked her to a row of chairs and sat down. “Peri, I need you to stop crying and to tell me what happened.” After a minute or two, the young girl had her sobbing down to sniffling. “We were drinking, that’s all! She disappeared into the bathroom for a while and then came back. A little while after that she wasn’t answering when I was talking to her. She couldn’t stand but she wasn’t unconscious. I don’t know! The ambulance started an IV but that’s all they did. When they got here they said I’d have to wait.” 

Jasper looked up for a second and saw Vee making a scene. Good, she thought to herself. “Relax Peri okay? Just relax. Vee has it under control.” Peri looked over at Vee and back to Jasper, “What do you mean?” Jasper looked down, lowering her voice. “They won’t let you back there unless you are an immediate relative. But, there are ways around it. We’ve … done this enough to know how to get someone back to see her.” Peri’s eyes widened. “How often are you guys at the ER?!” Jasper sighed, “Recently? Not much. But we all have a long history together of making less than stellar life choices.” Just then Sadie strolled in, hands in her pockets. She nodded at Amethyst and made eye contact with Jasper but didn’t say a word. She walked up behind Vee and waited for a moment before getting involved in the conversation herself. “Peri, sit down and read a magazine or something okay?” Peri nodded and did as she was told. Jasper watched Vee and Sadie in the mirror positioned down the hallway. Finally, a nurse escorted Vee into the back while another spoke to Sadie. 

“Good,” Jasper said. “Vee’s going back to see her. You can put the magazine down now.” Peri looked up at Jasper clearly confused. “What happened? Why is Sadie at the desk now?” Jasper laughed to herself. “Vee just demanded to see Laz. Not sure exactly what she said, but her usual favorite is something about her rights as a citizen to date whomever she wants and as many people as she wants. Then she goes on about how Laz has multiple committed partners and they all have a right to see her. But the nurse has nothing better to do than argue with her, so Sadie comes in to complain about not being paid attention to. She talks about how worried she is and plays the sympathy card. The nurse doesn’t know they both want to see the same person. Eventually one of them gets what they want. I guess today, they didn’t want to hear Vee complain about her rights anymore.” 

Sadie walked over and sat next to Jasper. “Vee got back. Something about discrimination, I didn’t quite catch today’s bit.” Jasper patted Sadie’s knee. “Ya did good.” “Yea,” Sadie replied. “We haven’t had to pull this in a while.” She gave a half smile, “I’m actually surprised we’re still so good at it.” Their phones all beeped and vibrated at the same time. _She’s okay. Kidney infection spread to her blood. They’re moving her to a room asap. She’s here for at least 2 days. –V_ “Good. As soon as she has a room we can go see her,” Sadie said. “Yea, and she and I will be having a talk,” Jasper growled under her breath. 

An hour and a half later, Lapis had been pumped full of fluids and was moved to a private room. Peri, Vee, Sadie, Amethyst, and Jasper were standing around her bed. Everyone had told her how happy they were she was okay and applauded Vee on her performance. After Peri had calmed down, Jasper spoke. “Peri, Am, can you two give us a minute? The four of us need to talk.” Peri glanced at Lapis, then Jasper, then Sadie. All three nodded their approval so the young girl reluctantly left the room with Amethyst. Sadie had a feeling she knew where this was going so she pulled up a chair. Vee leaned against the wall, probably also sure of where the conversation would head. Jasper paced the room, gathering her thoughts before sitting next to Sadie. 

“Lapis, I want you to listen to me.” Jasper ran her fingers through her hair as she rested her head in her hands. She refused to make eye contact with any of her friends; she knew she would completely lose it if she did. “This drug thing is serious. You have a serious problem. One of these times, you’re gonna be rushed here and they might not be able to bring you back.” Lapis rolled her eyes, “Oh come on Jasper, just because you don’t do it, doesn’t mean I have a problem. I’m not even here because of it. I have a kidney infection!” Surprisingly, Vee jumped in, “Christ Lapis, shut up and listen to the girl would you?” Lapis stopped talking. “You have a fucking problem Lapis. We all know it. We all see it. Fuck, you know it!” Jasper stood up, she needed an outlet for the adrenaline. She walked to the other side of the room and punched the concrete wall. Her hand immediately started to swell as she walked back to her seat. 

“I am terrified that one day, you’re just going to be gone … I have panic attacks about it Laz … You’re important to me, and I love you, but I know I can’t change you. I’m not speaking for anyone else, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s been almost 10 years Laz.” Jasper stood up and kissed Lapis’ cheek. “I love you, but it’s either rehab, or our friendship. It’s your choice.” She walked to the door, “I’m going back down to the ER to deal with my hand.” Jasper walked down the hall, tears slowly beginning to run down her cheeks. She saw Amethyst sitting in the waiting area with Peri and turned away from them. Amethyst sent Peri back to Lapis’ room as she walked towards Jasper. She saw the way her girlfriend was holding her hand. “Jay,” she said softly. “Did you punch something?” Jasper just nodded. “Do you need it looked at?” Jasper shrugged, not really concerned either way. Amethyst wrapped her arm around her girlfriend’s waist. “Okay, let’s go back down to the ER.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Jasper looked up at Amethyst. “What’s up babe?” The dark haired woman looked back at her. "I’m really scared for her Am, and I told her. Then I walked out of the room. I couldn’t talk about it anymore. I’m sorry.” Amethyst ran her fingers over Jasper’s cheek. “It’s okay. I was worried about you, but I know that sometimes you need space.”

Jasper stared off while the nurse spoke. They had popped her knuckles back into place and gave her pain meds. “Are you sure she’s okay? Nothing else needs to be looked at?” The nurse looked at Amethyst. “No, but thank you. A close friend got rushed here earlier and she’s had an emotional few hours on very little sleep. She got a little frustrated and punched the wall, that’s all. She’ll be alright.” Amethyst slid her hand into Jasper’s unbandaged one. The nurse nodded, “Well, she needs to ice her hand according to the discharge papers and to keep pressure on it. Aside from some bruising she seems to be fine.” Amethyst nudged Jasper to stand up, “Thank you for the help and for your time.” Amethyst took the papers and they walked out. 

They took a cab home, Amethyst wanting to get home as fast as possible with how dazed Jasper seemed. She helped Jasper change before grabbing an ice pack for her to wrap around her hand. They crawled into bed just as Jasper’s phone buzzed. Amethyst picked it up. “It’s Sadie, do you want to read the message?” Jasper didn’t answer. Amethyst placed Jasper’s phone next to hers on the side table before wrapping her arms around Jasper. “Sleep babe, I know you’re exhausted.” Amethyst held her girlfriend gently, hoping she was doing alright. Jasper was exhausted, and eventually, she fell asleep. 

Amethyst took the ice pack and placed it on the side table. Jasper hadn’t said anything since she left Lapis’ room and there were only a few questions Amethyst could get her to answer with a nod or a shrug. Amethyst leaned over and grabbed her phone from the table. _It’s Amethyst. Jasper hasn’t spoken since she left the hospital room. Can you give me any idea of what happened? –A_ She waited, hoping Vee or Sadie would answer. Her phone finally flashed and she checked the message. _Is she okay? She never answered my text. –S_ Amethyst quickly responded and soon it became a long group chat. 

_She’s okay. Sleeping right now. I told her she had a message but she didn’t want to look at it. She’s not talking and is barely responding to yes or no questions. They looked at her hand, she’ll be okay. –A_

_Jasp told Laz she had to choose between rehab and their friendship. –V_

_I was really proud of her. It took a lot for her to say that. I told Lapis the same went for me, rehab or our friendship. –S_

_After you guys left, I spoke to her too. I told her that Jasp had a point and I thought it was probably a good idea. –V_

_Peri seemed thoroughly freaked out. She seems so young, then again, we were about that age when this started. –S_

_That’s rough … for all of you. I’m sorry. –A_

_Yea, but I’m mostly worried about Jasp. Lapis means a lot to her. –S_

_It’s probably the hardest on Jasp. If something happened to Laz, I’d be really upset, but it might crush Jasp. I’m worried about her. –V_

_Thanks. I’ll remind her that you guys care. Sorry for getting in your business. I hope you both are doing okay. –A_

_No worries Amethyst, it’s your business too. Let me know if I can help. –V_

_Thanks Amethyst. Take care and let me know if I can do anything. –S_

Amethyst put her phone down and looked over at her girlfriend. She expected Jasper would sleep for at least a couple hours. Amethyst was hesitant, but curled up beside her anyway. She closed her eyes and fell into an anxious sleep. 

Amethyst woke to a startled shriek from Jasper. The blonde woman sat up holding her hand to her chest. “Shit that hurt!” Amethyst sat up and looked at Jasper, barely running her hand over her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Do you want ice?” Jasper looked over at Amethyst but shook her head no. She curled back up and closed her eyes. She just wanted to be left alone. “Jasper, talk to me please,” Amethyst said gently. “I’m happy to give you your space, but you’ve got to tell me you’re doing alright first.” Jasper rolled over to look at her. “I … I just need to think okay? I’m sorry.” Jasper rolled back over and closed her eyes. 

The next morning Amethyst called them both out of work again. Jasper had spent the previous day in bed. She slept for much of it and the few times she was awake, Amethyst made her ice her hand. Amethyst tried to get her to eat, but Jasper wasn’t interested. She had also sent a text to G to let her know Jasper wouldn’t be running with her. G didn’t ask many questions and Amethyst didn’t provide too much information. She knew that she would have to fill G in at some point, but hoped Jasper would be feeling better by then. 

Saturday afternoon, Amethyst was sitting on the couch watching television when Jasper walked into the living room. She sat next to her girlfriend and buried her head into her shoulder. “Morning,” she said softly. Amethyst gave a half smile and kissed Jasper’s head. “Morning love.” Jasper reached her arm out and showed her hand to Amethyst. “Swelling is gone, but it still hurts like hell.” Amethyst ever so gently placed her hand under Jasper’s and looked at the bruising. “Well, you punched a cement block babe, I’d imagine it would hurt.” Jasper rested her hand on Amethyst’s and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek. “I’m sorry.” “Move your fingers for me?” Amethyst asked. Jasper barely wiggled her fingers and her thumb. “Is that all you can do? Or does it just hurt to do more?” Jasper moved them slightly more. “Okay, good. And don’t be sorry.” Jasper laid across the couch, resting her head in Amethyst’s lap. Amethyst could tell Jasper didn’t want to talk, and she wasn’t going to force her. She handed Jasper the remote and began to gently stroke her hair. 

They watched TV in silence for a while before Jasper dug her cell phone out of her pocket. She turned it on and waited for all the messages to update. She started with her email, then checked her text messages. Slowly she made her way through each of the messages her friends had left her. She left the message string from Laz for last. When she finished reading she looked up at Amethyst. “What’s up babe?” The dark haired woman looked back at her. Jasper reached for the remote and turned off the television. “I told Laz that if she wanted to remain friends, she needed to go to rehab.” Jasper sighed but continued, “I have been worried about her since that night at the club. I’m really scared for her Am, and I told her. Then I walked out of the room. I couldn’t talk about it anymore. I’m sorry.” Amethyst ran her fingers over Jasper’s cheek. “It’s okay. I was worried about you, but I know that sometimes you need space.” 

“Vee and Sadie texted me. They said they supported what I told Laz and told her they felt the same. I didn’t mean to force them into backing me … I just needed to say it and I needed them to be there to know what I really said.” She sat up, this time facing Amethyst. “Laz sent me several texts. In the first one, she told me I was a terrible friend and that she didn’t need me in her life. After that she sent me one to let me know that she didn’t have a drug problem and she was doing fine. Then she sent me one this morning.” Jasper handed the phone to Amethyst. 

_I talked to Peri. She told me about how you got the bouncer to let her back in to see me and how you told her what to do the day I went to the hospital. She also told me that you had tried really hard to comfort her both times. I’m sorry for calling you a terrible friend. The truth is, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had Jasp. You honestly care about me and you believe in me. I have never been that good of a friend to you. And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t realize what I was doing to you ... I didn’t realize how upset and worried you or the others have been because of it. I choose our friendship, and I would any day. Thanks for not giving up on me. –L_

Amethyst finished reading and handed the phone back to Jasper. “She might mean it this time.” Amethyst watched as Jasper bit her lip, looking like a child hoping that this time, things would be different. She pulled Jasper into a hug, letting her curl up close to her. After a moment, Jasper rested her head on Amethyst’s shoulder. “Am? I … I really don’t feel well.” Amethyst gently pushed Jasper to sit up. “You haven’t eaten in almost 3 days. You also haven’t had much water. Could it be that or do you think it’s something else?” Jasper just closed her eyes and shrugged. Amethyst went to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of water and one of powerade. She uncapped the powerade and handed it to Jasper. “Drink some.” Jasper took a couple small sips before putting it down and leaning against Amethyst again. 

Amethyst brushed her hand over Jasper’s cheeks and sighed. “Jay, you have to drink more than that.” She nodded and reached for the bottle. Jasper finished half of it before she put the bottle back down. It was obvious to Amethyst that Jasper was worn out from the last few days. She wondered how her girlfriend was doing emotionally. Laz did mean a lot to Jasper. Making her choose between their friendship and rehab must have been hard. “Have you talked to G?” Amethyst asked. “No, I haven’t talked to anyone, just you.” Amethyst smiled, “Well, I’m sure G is worried about you.” Jasper picked up the bottle of powerade. “I know.” She turned the TV back on and they watched in silence. “How are you feeling?” Amethyst asked a couple of hours later. “Okay,” Jasper replied. “I’m gonna make dinner. You should eat something.” Jasper nodded.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Jasper kissed Amethyst’s cheek. “I just looked at you and you looked exhausted, and I realized you were exhausted because you were worrying about me ... It had been far too long since I told you just how much you mean to me. And I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t notice and appreciate everything you do for me, no matter how small.”-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first fluff ... then porn ... enjoy

When Amethyst went to bed that night, not surprisingly, Jasper wasn’t tired. She had slept for 2.5 days; Jasper was emotionally spent, but wide awake. Amethyst on the other hand, was physically exhausted. Amethyst managed about 2 hours of sleep before Jasper woke her up. She turned over to see the clock; 1:49 am. “Jay, it’s like 2 in the morning, why are you waking me up?” Jasper leaned over and kissed Amethyst. “I love you,” she said softly before kissing her again. “Get up, I want to show you something.” Amethyst leaned over to turn on the light. “Jay, it’s 2 am!” Jasper just kissed her again, “Please? You don’t have to work tomorrow. And I promise, you can sleep all day if you want. I’ll make dinner as well as clean and do grocery shopping. Just come take a walk with me.” 

Amethyst rolled out of bed and pulled off her pajamas. She grabbed jeans, underwear, and a hoodie and sleepily assembled the outfit. Finally, she grabbed a hair elastic off Jasper’s dresser and tied her hair up. She yawned as she looked over at her girlfriend, “I’m dressed,” she said flatly. Jasper laughed, “You need shoes.” Amethyst looked around before stepping into a pair of clogs. “Better?” Jasper pulled Amethyst towards her and kissed her softly. “Yes, perfect.” Amethyst was irritated, she hated being woken up, but she was happy Jasper seemed to be in a better mood than she had been. She decided it would be a good idea to suck it up and see what Jasper was planning. 

Jasper locked the apartment door and turned to Amethyst, offering her girlfriend her unbruised hand. Amethyst took her hand and they walked outside, the lights of the city preventing it from being too dark. They walked down a few streets Amethyst knew well. She noted how strange they looked without the store lights and people. Eventually they reached the pond just outside the park. Jasper lead Amethyst to a bench and they sat down. “So,” Amethyst said softly. “Why are we out at the pond in the middle of the night babe?” Jasper smiled and laced her fingers through Amethyst’s. 

“Do you remember when we sat out here last?” Jasper was looking out at the pond. Amethyst leaned into Jasper, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Last Valentine’s day. We came down here after work and watched the ducks.” Jasper smiled, “Yea. It was nice to sit here with you.” She paused for a moment before she spoke again. “Am? I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” Amethyst looked up at Jasper for a moment, “Okay.” Jasper moved slightly to let Amethyst rest her head on her shoulder again. “My friends, Sadie and Laz and Vee, we’ve known each other for such a long time. We were getting into trouble together in high school. They were a huge part of my life and it was really hard to just let them go. But when G wouldn’t keep putting up with the things I was doing … and then you … I knew something had to change.” 

Jasper looked down at the bruises on her hand, trying to gather her thoughts. “I had to let them go. I never would have been able to get my life together while still hanging out with them. While still being distracted by the things we’d do together. But I could only let them go, because I had you. You supported me no matter what was going on. You believed I had it in me to change, and because of that, I believed I did too. I am, by far, a much better version of myself now than I could have ever imagined I would be 5 years ago. And that, that’s because of you.” Jasper tightened her grip on Amethyst’s fingers slightly. 

“I wanted you to know, that you are so incredibly important to me. I know that sometimes, it seems like I take you for granted. Sometimes, I get wrapped up in Laz’s bullshit, or with G, with my past life, or work, or whatever. And I know sometimes it seems like I run from you when things get difficult. But I have never forgotten how far I have come or how incredibly supportive you have been along the way. I never forget how amazing you are or how happy I am to have you. And I can’t explain how much it means to me to know that the most wonderful, supportive person I could ever ask for is always right next to me anytime I need her.” She untangled her fingers from Amethyst’s and reached into her pocket. “I wanted to give you this.” 

Amethyst slowly reached out to take the box from Jasper. It was small and maroon, tied with a white ribbon. Jasper had tied the ribbon herself, Amethyst could tell. It was too perfectly done, the edges each cut neatly into an inverted V while the many bows each matched in size. It was something she had repeatedly seen Jasper do for birthday and holiday gifts. She gently worked the ribbon off the box without untying it, wanting to save it as a reminder of how hard Jasper worked to make the present look perfect. Slowly, she opened the box. Inside was a small silver pendant identical to the one she gave Jasper. She looked up at her girlfriend, but saw she was still wearing hers. Amethyst lifted the pendant out of the box and delicately held it in her hands. One side held their initials surrounded by a heart, looking as if they had been carved into a tree. She gently turned the pendant in her hand, the other side marked when they started dating.

“Jasper,” Amethyst said softly. She stared at the pendant in her hand. “It’s … it’s beautiful.” Amethyst was overwhelmed by her girlfriend’s unexpected gift. Jasper gently took the pendant from Amethyst’s hands and fastened it around her neck. Amethyst carefully placed the ribbon into the box and put the box into her pocket. “Jasper, thank you.” Jasper smiled at her girlfriend, “you’re welcome.” Amethyst leaned over and met Jasper half way into a kiss. She was speechless, and close to tears. She reached up and touched the pendant around her neck before reaching down and taking Jasper’s hand. 

“It really is beautiful,” Amethyst said quietly. Jasper smiled at her. “You are amazing, and I wanted to tell you how much I love you. I know the middle of the night might not have been the best time to do it, but …” Jasper trailed off biting her lip, as if she had something else to say. “What?” Amethyst said gently. Jasper wrapped her arm around Amethyst’s waist. “I couldn’t sleep. And I looked over and saw you sleeping. And this is going to sound stupid but, I started thinking about some things. I thought about how you supported me going to see my friends at the bar. Then how you listened and comforted me when I got home, upset. I thought about how you immediately got out of bed at some crazy time when you found out Laz was going to the hospital. And how you didn’t ask me to explain myself, even after I ended up in the ER.” 

Jasper kissed Amethyst’s cheek. “But mostly, I thought about how you took care of me and worried about me for almost 3 days. You made sure I iced my hand. You tried to get me to eat, you checked in on me to make sure I was doing alright. And I spent that time pushing you away. I wanted space to think. And you gave it to me, but you were still there for me. Even after my refusing to eat or drink made me sick. I just looked at you and you looked exhausted, and I realized you were exhausted because you were worrying about me. And that’s the stupid part. It was selfish and stupid to see that you were exhausted and still wake you up, but I had to. It had been far too long since I told you just how much you mean to me. And I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t notice and appreciate everything you do for me, no matter how small.” 

Jasper pulled Amethyst closer, “I love you Amethyst.” Amethyst looked up at Jasper, “I love you too.” They sat together for a short time, watching the pond’s surface ripple from the slight breeze. Jasper felt content, she had been holding on to that pendant for weeks, looking for the perfect moment to give it to Amethyst. And although she wasn’t sure she had picked the perfect moment, she did think it was the best moment. “Let’s head home so you can get some sleep,” Jasper laughed. Amethyst just nodded, standing, following her girlfriend’s lead. When they got back to the apartment, Amethyst stood next to the bed and let her clothing land in a pile on the floor before climbing into bed. Jasper just laughed. She piled her own clothing into the hamper before crawling into bed beside Amethyst. Jasper pulled her girlfriend close and kissed her. “Sleep well babe.” 

\---

Amethyst blinked to clear her vision as she stretched. She rolled over to look at the clock, 7:22; it was early. Even after Jasper’s unplanned excursion, she was still up early. She pondered her options, she could go back to sleep, she could get up, or she could bother Jasper. She smiled to herself as she moved closer to her sleeping girlfriend and began to whisper into her ear. Jasper’s eyes fluttered open as she was slowly awoken by her girlfriend. “Morning babe,” Jasper said in a hoarse voice. Amethyst moved closer and continued to whisper. She watched as her girlfriend’s face turned a light shade of pink and she bit her lip. “Please?” Amethyst whispered. “Doesn’t it sound fun?” Jasper smiled, still biting her lip. “Yea, o-okay.” 

Jasper stood up and stretched before kneeling in front of her dresser. She pulled a box from one of the drawers and placed it on the desk. Amethyst sat in the middle of the bed and watched as Jasper pulled out the harness first and then a lime green two-sided sex toy. Jasper adjusted the harness to fit the toy before looking up at her girlfriend. Amethyst’s expression was unreadable as she sat and watched Jasper return to her work. The tall woman turned the now harnessed toy and started to position it at the core of her body. Amethyst smirked before telling her to stop. Jasper always wanted to do things the hard way, she thought to herself. “Come here babe.” 

Amethyst knelt on the bed, beckoning Jasper to come to her. She pulled her girlfriend towards her, kissing her deeply. “That’s going to be really uncomfortable,” She whispered. “Let me help you.” Amethyst licked gently at Jasper’s nipples until they were stiff and red. As she did, she ran her fingers over her girlfriend’s hips before slowly letting the pads of her fingers trace down her thighs. Jasper sighed softly as one of Amethyst’s fingers gently brushed against her clit. She leaned forward, pulling Jasper into a kiss before assaulting her ear with her teeth, gently biting her way down to Jasper’s earlobe. Finally, Amethyst moved to Jasper’s neck, leaving matching purple marks on either side. She looked up into Jasper’s eyes, watching her girlfriend panting softly, staring back with lust. 

Amethyst got off the bed and led Jasper back to the desk. She picked up a bottle from the box and slowly poured the contents into her hand. Jasper watched as Amethyst picked up the toy and coated both sides. “I think this will work out better.” Jasper leaned back against the desk, her hands behind her as she parted her legs slightly. “Do you want me to do it?” Amethyst asked. “Yea,” Jasper whispered in reply. She watched Amethyst as she held the toy between her hands and slowly pressed it to Jasper’s core. Jasper closed her eyes and moaned softly as Amethyst pushed the object deeper into Jasper before fastening the harness around her hips. Amethyst ran her thumb across Jasper’s cheek, “You alright?” Jasper kissed her gently, “I’m good.” 

They moved to the bed, Jasper sitting against the headboard and Amethyst kneeling over her. Jasper reached up and rolled Amethyst’s nipples between her fingers, making her whimper softly. Jasper pulled the elastic from Amethyst’s hair and watched as it tumbled over her shoulders. She ran her hands through it, kissing her girlfriend deeply. “Damn, you’re beautiful.” Amethyst reached down to position the lube coated toy before slowly rolling her hips forward. “Ugghhh” Amethyst rested her head on Jasper’s shoulder as she adjusted to the feeling of the cold toy. In that moment, Jasper leaned forward, taking Amethyst’s neck in her teeth. She bit down softly at first, but continued until Amethyst let out a whimpered moan. Jasper released her girlfriend, running her tongue over the bit marks she left. As she did, she let her fingers tease Amethyst’s nipples again, causing the shorter woman to lean backwards. As Amethyst rolled her hips back, Jasper tried her best to stifle a moan, but Amethyst heard it. 

Amethyst laced her fingers through Jasper’s hair and pulled her girlfriend’s head closer, kissing her deeply. “You sound incredibly sexy,” She said as their lips parted. Amethyst tightened her grip on Jasper’s hair, pulling slightly, eliciting another moan. As Amethyst slowly rolled her hips again, Jasper could feel the tension starting to build within her. She leaned forward licking at Amethyst’s nipples, causing her girlfriend to tilt her head back. As she did, Jasper ran her tongue up Amethyst’s exposed throat, leaving a handful of bite marks on her way back down. “Ugghh, Jay!” Amethyst tried to reprimand her, but couldn’t get the words out. Instead, she softly pulled at Jasper’s hair. Jasper paused for a moment, enjoying the feeling of her girlfriend tugging at her hair. She let out a soft moan as she continued to leave bruises and bite marks along Amethyst’s neck. 

Amethyst began to grind her hips into Jasper’s, trying to increase the friction. Jasper pressed her lips to Amethyst’s ear as she moaned deeply, the toy firmly pressing against the soft inner walls of Jasper’s core. Amethyst tightened her grip on Jasper’s hair, pulling her head back and forcing her girlfriend to look at her. “Don’t you dare come yet,” Amethyst said to her. Jasper raked her nails down Amethyst’s back in response, leaving faint red marks as she did. Amethyst groaned, bearing down into Jasper’s hips. “Shit,” she whispered faintly as Jasper pulled her into a kiss. Jasper’s arms wrapped around Amethyst’s waist as their tongues met. Amethyst softly bit Jasper’s lip, watching as her girlfriend closed her eyes and sighed. 

Amethyst slowly rocked her hips as she leaned towards Jasper, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. She whispered softly into Jasper’s ear trying to keep her voice steady. “I love the way you sound. And the feel of your arms wrapped around …” Amethyst stopped mid-sentence, closing her eyes and moaning softly through clenched teeth. Jasper slid her hand between them and slowly ran her thumb over Amethyst’s clit. Amethyst pressed her forehead into Jasper’s shoulder as she tried unsuccessfully to suppress another moan. Jasper pulled Amethyst closer, continuing to brush her thumb over Amethyst’s clit. “You sound like you’re incredibly close. Am I going to get to hear you come? Or are you going to keep all of those beautifully sexy sounds to yourself?” Jasper asked softly. 

Amethyst wrapped her arms around Jasper’s neck and pulled her girlfriend close. She started to rock her hips faster and Jasper could tell Amethyst was almost there. The dark haired girl pulled Jasper into a kiss as she began to breathe heavily. As Amethyst shifted her weight, the harness pressed against Jasper’s clit. She dug her nails into her girlfriend’s back as she came, pulling Amethyst towards her and moaning loudly. As Jasper came, the toy pressed into Amethyst’s core sending her over the edge. She bit Jasper’s shoulder to stifle her cry as she came hard. 

Neither moved. They sat, bodies entwined, in silence, both catching their breath. After a moment, Jasper released her grip on Amethyst hoping she hadn’t drawn blood. Slowly she pulled herself away from her partner, trying to be gentle. Amethyst opened her eyes and lifted her head slowly, looking into Jasper’s gaze. She blinked a few times before focusing. “Fuck.” Jasper laughed and kissed her softly. “Is that what you have to say?” Amethyst rested her head back on Jasper’s shoulder. “Damn Jay,” Amethyst said panting. Jasper rolled her eyes. “I love you too,” she said with another laugh.


	8. Chapter 8

Amethyst sat across the table from Pearl as they stared at multiple lists of names. “This is going to be terrible! We can’t invite all these people, and I don’t know who to cut!” Pearl was starting to get anxious. She had never dealt with stress well and she really didn’t like disappointing anyone. “P, take a breath. We will make it work, I promise,” Amethyst said gently. She took the lists Pearl had made for the wedding and set them out, side by side; Pearl’s family, Jamie’s Family, Pearl’s friends, Jamie’s friends. “Okay, I have a plan.” Amethyst worked at shortening the lists of names. She gave Pearl a cutoff of 5 years. If she hadn’t talked to them in 5 years or she hadn’t known them since childhood, they didn’t need to be invited. 

They went through the friends list and cut them significantly shorter. Amethyst was able to convince Pearl that she wouldn’t miss most of these people because she never really spoke with them to begin with. They moved on to the family list. Amethyst started by removing family Pearl didn’t like. Unless they were fairly immediate members of her family that needed invitations out of respect, Amethyst convinced Pearl there was no reason to invite them. Eventually, they got the list down to a number Pearl thought was reasonable. She went to the other room to run it by Jamie and returned with his approval. 

The two abandoned the lists and sat in the living room. “So,” Pearl started. “How are you Amethyst? I feel like we spend all our time talking about the wedding and I don’t know what’s going on in your life.” Amethyst smiled. Pearl was by far her best friend outside Jasper, but she knew how anxious the woman could be. She didn’t want to pile anything onto the stress of organizing a wedding. “I’m fine,” Amethyst shrugged. They had known each other long enough that Pearl wasn’t going to take that for an answer. “How’s Jasper?” She asked, eying her dark haired friend. “She’s fine too,” Amethyst said with a smile. 

“Amethyst, I know there is stuff going on with you. First, your life is never THAT boring. And second, when I asked how Jasper was you awkwardly broke eye contact to answer. Tell me what’s going on.” Pearl’s eyes pleaded with Amethyst and she gave in. “It’s nothing, just some stuff with Jay’s old friends.” Pearl narrowed her eyes as she glared at Amethyst, “What kind of stuff?” Amethyst sighed. She told Pearl about Lapis and the hospital situation and followed that up with Jasper’s 2.5 days of sleeping. “That sounds … awful. Is she okay? Are you doing okay?” Pearl was worried, exactly what Amethyst was hoping wouldn’t happen. “I’m alright, and she’s been doing alright as well. Actually, since then, we’ve been doing really well.” Amethyst let her fingers brush the necklace her girlfriend had given her. She told Pearl about the middle of the night trip to the duck pond and the necklace. 

“Do you think,” Pearl started, face blushing slightly. “Do you think you two will get married?” Amethyst couldn’t say she hadn’t thought about it. Not the planning a whole wedding part or even really the proposal part. But she had thought about the idea of having a future that was certain with Jay. It sounded pretty amazing to her but she wasn’t sure it was really something that was feasible. “I dunno,” she said biting her lip. “I’m a lot to put up with and I don’t know if Jay would want to commit to that.” Pearl wrinkled her forehead and looked back at Amethyst. “What’s that supposed to mean? Wait, do you mean the nightmares and stuff?” Pearl’s look softened as Amethyst nodded slowly. 

“Amethyst,” Pearl spoke with her hands neatly placed in her lap. She didn’t make eye contact, instead focusing on selecting her words. “We are all … flawed. It’s human nature, the human condition. And we can all be reduced to an ugly statement that describes those flaws. I could tell you Lapis was a waste, a trashy girl who just uses other people so she can enjoy herself getting high and drinking. But in your heart you know that isn’t true. Because why would Jasper put so much into her if that’s all she was? I could reduce Jasper to an ex druggy with awful friends but she’s so much more than that!” Pearl reached over and took Amethyst’s hand. “I hope I’m more to you than a mess of an adult with anxiety disorders.” 

Amethyst looked up at Pearl, “P, you’re so much more than that!!” Pearl smiled, “And you are so much more than a traumatized girl with P.T.S.D. induced nightmares. Don’t reduce yourself to that.” Amethyst moved over and leaned against Pearl. This was the reason they were best friends. Pearl always had a way of dissecting Amethyst’s train of thought and pointing out the flaws. Pulling her from her dead end and leading her to new doors. After a while, Amethyst spoke. “Yea … I would really love to be with her forever. Jay is perfect for me. I couldn’t ask for someone better. If I’m lucky … yea, one day we’ll be married.” Pearl smiled, “I’m glad she makes you so happy.” Amethyst sat up, “Yea, but … I don’t know if that’s what she wants. I don’t know if her vision of the future is us together. I mean, maybe I should talk to her about it.” Pearl gave Amethyst a knowing look, “She woke you up in the middle of the night to give you a necklace professing her love for you and thanking you for being such an amazing girlfriend. I think she likes you Amethyst. Probably enough to want to spend forever with you.” Amethyst hit Pearl softly in the arm. “Yea, maybe.”

  
\---  


The following weekend Amethyst and Jasper decided to invite Pearl and G over. The four of them hadn’t hung out in ages and Jasper thought it would be nice to spend time with everyone together. It was Saturday afternoon and all four were in a text debate regarding what to do about dinner. 

_What about take-out? –A  
_

_Take-out sounds like a good idea. –G  
_

_Ugh. I’m sick of take-out. I’ll just cook. –J  
_

_Sick of it? When’s the last time you HAD take-out?? –A  
_

_I can cook. –P  
_

_Am, if they want to cook, let them cook. –G  
_

_Fine. Whatever! So cook then. What do you want for drinks? –A  
_

_Mojitos –P  
_

_Mojitos! –J  
_

_Mojitos? –G  
_

_Alright then. Guess I’m making signature mojitos. Game on! –A  
_

_See you guys at 6:30 –J_

Jasper entered the living room in a bra and jeans. Amethyst looked up from her phone briefly. “Plan to head to the store without a shirt? Sexy.” Jasper rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. “Says the girl still in pajamas.” “Who isn’t going to the store!” countered Amethyst. “I don’t have shoes on either Am, obviously I’m not leaving yet.” Amethyst put her phone down and looked up at Jasper. She was in the kitchen now grabbing a granola bar. “Okay, what’s with the ‘no fun’ attitude?” Jasper returned to the living room and gave Amethyst a blank look. “Hello? Earth to Jasper?” Jasper wrinkled her forehead and looked rather confused, “What?” Amethyst just gave up. She didn’t think it was worth arguing with her girlfriend over something so trivial. But she still wondered what had put Jasper in her current mood. 

Soon, both women were fully dressed and Jasper was heading out to the store. “Will you buy stuff for mojitos too please?” Amethyst asked. “Yup, dinner and mojitos. I’ve got it.” Jasper checked the list on her phone one last time. “Thanks babe, you’re the best.” While Jasper went to the store, Amethyst cleaned the apartment. She had just finished the dishes when Jasper returned. She dropped the bags on the table and started sorting the food. “If you give me the mojito stuff I’ll start making them. I’ll make a special one for you while you cook.” Amethyst looked over at Jasper and smiled. Her girlfriend didn’t smile back, she just grumbled to herself and continued to go through the bags. “Jasper?” After still not receiving an answer, Amethyst crossed the kitchen and placed her hand on Jasper’s shoulder. “What?” the blonde woman replied with attitude, clearly irritated. Amethyst wasn’t sure what to do, but eventually decided to just leave Jasper alone. She gathered the ingredients for the mojitos and moved to the living room to assemble them. 

G arrived around 6:00, knocking gently on the door. “G! You’re early, I’m so glad to see you though.” G gave Amethyst a hug before looking around the apartment. “Where’s Jasper?” G asked. “She’s in the kitchen, moody as hell. Enter at your own risk.” G took a few steps towards the kitchen but decided to stay with Amethyst instead. “Would you like a mojito?” G accepted the glass from Amethyst and took a sip. “Amazing as always.” They sat on the couch and waited for Pearl, who arrived not long after. “Well,” Amethyst said, “This party has officially started!” 

Pearl accepted her mojito from Amethyst and looked around. “Should I go help Jasper with dinner?” Amethyst thought about it for a moment and shook her head. “Let’s all go. She’s in a mood and I think it might require a combined effort to pull her out of it.” They entered the kitchen to Jasper stirring a pot. “What cha making?” G asked. “Cheese sauce,” Jasper stated without turning around. G and Pearl looked towards Amethyst who just shrugged. Finally, Amethyst spoke up, “Jay, what’s with the mood? If you aren’t up for hanging out, you don’t have to. We’d all understand.” Jasper continued to stir the cheese sauce without looking up. “I’m not in a mood.” This time, Amethyst glanced at G and Pearl. “Yea you are,” G replied. “You kinda seem to be,” Pearl said softly. 

Amethyst had a great idea. She went into the living room and flipped through her music until she found the song she was looking for. “You made me do this Jay!” Amethyst warned as she turned up the music. It was one of her favorites even though it was indeed terrible. Amethyst took a gulp of her mojito before placing the glass down. G did the same and started to dance with Amethyst. Pearl watched the two and giggled. Finally, Amethyst started to sing the first verse. Jasper did her best to ignore her and continued making dinner. G chimed in for the chorus then Pearl sang the second verse. By the end of the song, the three were having a great time dancing in the kitchen and singing but Jasper didn’t bite. 

When the song finally ended, Jasper spoke up. “I’m trying to make DINNER. Can’t you just leave me alone for a little bit?” Pearl and G looked at Amethyst, but the short dark haired woman wasn’t about to let Jasper ruin her night. “Okay Super-No-Fun. Whatever you want. We’re going to the living room. If you want to stop being so moody and join us, feel free.” She turned and headed back to the living room to set up a play list of cheery if not ridiculous music. 

When Jasper eventually entered the living room, the others were sitting around giggling. Amethyst was in the process of making another mojito for G while Pearl seemed to be telling a story. “Nice of you to join us,” Amethyst said to her girlfriend. Jasper sat in the arm chair, a fair distance from everyone and watched the others. “No, sit over here,” Amethyst replied pointing to the couch. Jasper looked at Amethyst but didn’t move. “Just get up Jasper,” G said. As the others watched, she stood and went to the couch, sitting down between Pearl and Amethyst. “Thank you,” Amethyst said as she handed her a mojito. 

Once Amethyst had turned off the music, all eyes were on Jasper. “What’s with the mood?” Amethyst said without making eye contacted. “I’m not in a mood,” Jasper tried to argue. “It’s okay Jasper,” Pearl said gently, putting her hand on the blonde woman’s shoulder. “You’re clearly in a bad mood. We just want to help.” Jasper brushed off the thin woman’s comment and took a sip from her drink. “Okay, well. Now that Super-No-Fun has joined us, we can get this party really started. So, Pearl’s drunk.” “AM NOT!” “And G is … well … G. And I’m ridiculous as always and Jasper is Super-No-Fun so …” Amethyst looked around the room with a sly smile. 

“No,” Pearl replied. “No, no, no. Not again Amethyst.” G looked up and joined Amethyst in her sly grin. “I think it would be a wonderful idea. It was fun last time,” G said. “But! …” Pearl sighed. She knew she would agree eventually and she might as well just go with it. “Fine.” Amethyst looked over at Jasper, “It’s 3 votes for yes. Got something to say?” Jasper didn’t say a word. “3 yes, 1 abstaining, it’s time for the lightning round of drink the dare or truth!” 

They had created the ‘drink the dare, or truth’ game one night when they were sitting around trying to think of something fun to do. The rules were a combination of truth or dare and never have I ever. One person would ask another ‘drink the dare or truth’, if they chose truth, they must answer a truth, then got to ask a ‘never have I ever’ style question to the group, if they chose dare they must do the dare or take a shot. Since none of them really enjoyed getting incredibly drunk, they usually chose the dare. And that made the game far more entertaining. 

“G, you’re up to start.” G looked towards Pearl and smiled, “Drink the dare or truth, Pearl?” You could hear Pearl gulp as G said her name. “Truth?” G thought for a moment before speaking, “Best and worst things about Jamie.” Pearl wrung her hands anxiously as she thought. “Well, he is incredibly patient with me.” The thin woman smiled as she said that. “But I suppose he doesn’t quite understand my organizational style and I’m often fixing things he has moved. It is frustrating.” G nodded as Pearl took a sip of her drink. “Uhmm, never have I ever had a one-night stand.” Jasper awkwardly took a sip of her drink. Pearl glanced at Amethyst, “Drink the dare or truth Amethyst?” While Amethyst usually enjoyed dares, Pearl was awful at coming up with them. “Truth,” she said confidently. 

Pearl looked at the floor trying to hide her almost evil grin while she worded her question in her head. “Would you willingly spend the rest of your life with Jasper?” Amethyst turned a deep shade of red. “O-of course I would,” she said, looking at her glass. Pearl noticed Jasper’s face flush for a moment as Amethyst responded. After an awkward couple of seconds, Amethyst spoke, “Never have I ever had sex in a public place.” Jasper and G both drank to that question. 

“Jasper,” Amethyst said without making eye contact. “Drink the dare or truth?” Jasper swallowed the rest of her mojito and looked towards her girlfriend. “Neither. Food is ready.” Just as she said this, the stove timer went off. Jasper stood and walked to the kitchen while the other three stared. Pearl looked from G to Amethyst, trying to decide what to do. “I’ll go,” G said, before standing and heading to the kitchen. 

G pulled out four plates and set them on the table while Jasper pulled the baked mac and cheese from the oven. “Jasper, what’s got you in such a terrible mood?” G asked. Jasper put the food down and took off the oven mitts. “I’m not in a mood, I’m fine,” she argued once again. As Jasper turned around, she realized she was cornered between the stove, the counter, and G. Jasper tried to avoid G’s hazel eyes but she could feel them burning into her. After a moment or two she looked up and G finally spoke, “Don’t lie to me Jasper.” 

Pearl moved closer to Amethyst. The short dark haired woman had started chewing on an ice cube from her drink. “Amethyst?” Pearl said quietly. She turned towards Pearl but wouldn’t look at her. “Amethyst, stop doing that, please?” She swallowed the ice and put her cup down. “It’s just a bad mood. Everyone has them sometimes.” Amethyst picked up her cup again and took another sip. “It isn’t the mood P, it’s the fact she won’t talk to me about it. Something’s been bothering her all day. I tried before she left for the store, I tried after she got back, nothing.” Amethyst took another sip of her drink. “It’s fine. She is entitled to her bad mood just like I’m entitled to enjoy the company of my friends.” 

They heard G’s voice from the kitchen, “Do you guys want to eat in here or out there?” Pearl looked at Amethyst, still worried about her friend. “Let’s eat in here,” Amethyst called back. “I’m making another round of mojitos.” G and Jasper returned to the living room with plates, bowls, forks, and the food. Amethyst poured more drinks while Jasper and G plated the mac and cheese and salad. Once everyone was served, Amethyst lifted her glass. “To hanging out with friends,” she said cheerfully. 

Amethyst took a bite of her food before looking towards her girlfriend, “Well done as always, Jay.” The other nodded. “But it doesn’t get you out of your ‘drink the dare or truth’ turn.” Jasper shook her head as she swallowed her food. “I’m eating; do we really have to?” Amethyst put down her fork and closed her eyes for a moment. “No,” she said calmly, “You don’t have to.” Amethyst picked up her fork again and poked at her food. “P, what’s new with wedding plans?” Pearl talked for a bit about the venue she and Jamie were looking at. Not long after, they were done with their food. 

Amethyst and Pearl volunteered to clear the plates since G and Jasper set up for dinner. Once everything was put away, they settled back into the living room. “Movie?” Pearl said as she finished her drink. Amethyst handed the remote to G who looked for something worth watching. They finally settled on a dark romantic comedy. G sat on the floor and Jasper curled up with her head in G’s lap. Pearl and Amethyst cuddled on the couch pulling a blanket over them. Pearl could tell Amethyst was still upset. She put her arm around her friend and gave her a hug. 

When the movie was over, Amethyst and G were the only ones still awake. Amethyst wiggled out from underneath Pearl’s slim frame and placed a pillow under her head. She adjusted the blanket and softly stroked her best friend’s hair. G slowly placed a pillow under Jasper’s head and stood, glancing at Amethyst before gesturing towards the bedroom. Amethyst grabbed a blanket and put it over Jasper before following G to the other room. The two sat on the bed in silence for a few moments before Amethyst spoke. 

“What’s new G?” She asked in a rather tired sounding tone. “Not much,” G replied. Amethyst sighed as G wrapped an arm around her waist. “Give her time,” G said gently. Amethyst shook her head. “She doesn’t need time; she’s had 3 years. If she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me by now, it isn’t going to change.” Amethyst was growing more and more irritated as she thought about it. “If she’s done with this relationship, I wish she’d just end it. I don’t want her to stay with me because she feels indebted.” G pulled lightly at Amethyst’s arm, bringing the two face to face. “You don’t really believe she wants to leave you.” The words were clear and emphatic; G knew Amethyst didn’t believe that. 

Amethyst looked towards the floor. They sat in silence while she tried to gather her thoughts. “I don’t know what to believe,” She said when she finally spoke. “Jasper has had her heart broken so many times, and I don’t mean romantically. She’s gotten good at hiding what she truly wants.” G reached up and touched Amethyst’s necklace gently. “I think she is making it pretty clear she wants you.” Amethyst shrugged, “Yea, I suppose.” G looked at her curiously, “Do you honestly believe she is thinking of leaving you?” 

No, Amethyst didn’t believe that; at least her heart didn’t believe that. Her head was having a hard time forgetting the look on Jasper’s face this afternoon when she came back from buying groceries. “She loves me,” Amethyst said quietly, fidgeting with her necklace. “But,” she paused for a second. “She isn’t happy. And I don’t know how to help her fix that.” She looked up at G who just looked back. “You’re right, and neither do I.” 

Amethyst brushed off whatever feeling was creeping into her heart and smiled at G. “Do you want to go watch the sunrise? When I got back I was gonna start making breakfast.” G smiled back, “Sure.” 


	9. Chapter 9

Jasper stared at the ceiling for no other reason than it was what was in front of her. She felt hungover though she hadn’t drunk much the previous night. It must have been the combination of alcohol, her terrible mood, not drinking enough water, and falling asleep on the floor. When she had woken up, Amethyst and G were making breakfast while Pearl was drinking her first of several cups of coffee. The four enjoyed breakfast in mostly silence before saying their goodbyes. Once their guests had left, Jasper bee-lined for her bed. 

She flipped through her text messages for a moment, wondering if she should text G. Eventually deciding against it, Jasper put her phone down and continued staring at the ceiling. Everything was a mess, but she wasn’t interested in dealing with it right now. Right now, she just wanted to take a nap. 

After another half hour of staring at the ceiling, Amethyst came into the bedroom. She hadn’t said anything to Jasper all morning. Jasper knew Amethyst was upset with her, but she wasn’t ready to explain herself just yet. She wasn’t really sure what to even say, all she knew in that moment was she was tired and couldn’t sleep. “Am?” Jasper said softly, still looking at the ceiling. Her girlfriend offered a halfhearted noise, confirming she was listening. “Come here? Just for a little bit?” Jasper’s voice sounded far away, soft. Amethyst sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hand through Jasper’s hair. Jasper looked incredibly tired. “What’s wrong?” Amethyst asked, unsure if she and Jasper were speaking again or if Jasper was still in her terrible mood. Jasper said nothing, she only pulled Amethyst towards the bed, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend’s waist. 

Amethyst wiggled out of her girlfriend’s grasp and stood up. “Give me a second okay? Then I’ll come take a nap with you, if that’s what you want.” She left Jasper to practice her apology in her head. When Amethyst returned, she stripped down to her underwear and sat on the bed. “I’m sorry,” Jasper said, still staring at the ceiling. “I was terrible yesterday. I took my mood out on you and our friends, and that was just shitty of me.” Amethyst glanced over at Jasper before shrugging. “Yea, you were kind of a dick.” With that, Jasper sighed. “I’m really sorry Am. Can we talk about it after we sleep?” 

Amethyst turned to face Jasper, still sitting up. “I would rather talk about it now.” She sighed softly. “I understood the bad mood Jay, but why were you such a jerk? You aren’t normally like that.” Jasper closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry,” Jasper said softly. “It’s … Lapis.” She paused, unsure if she wanted to continue. Eventually the words just poured out. “She … she’s dumped Peri and has stopped speaking to Vee. I haven’t spoken to her, but … I’m worried. I’m … I’m really, really scared.” Amethyst curled up beside Jasper and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. She knew there was nothing she could say to Jasper that would help, so she hoped being there would be enough. 

Jasper ran her fingers over Amethyst’s arm as she closed her eyes. Amethyst being with her made things seem more manageable. She knew she needed to apologize to her friends, but she was exhausted. She would do that as soon as she woke up, she thought to herself just before she was completely asleep. 

\---

That evening, Jasper sat on the couch with Amethyst eating leftovers and watching bad TV. Jasper thought to herself it was nice to have time alone with Amethyst as she moved slightly closer to her. While Amethyst changed stations for the 100th time, Jasper pulled out her phone. She opened the group text between her, Amethyst, Pearl, and G. 

_Hey, I’m sorry I was such an ass yesterday. I shouldn’t have let my terrible mood ruin the night for everyone. Thanks for always being so patient with me and for coming by. I love spending time with you guys and I hope we can do it more often. –J_

Amethyst’s phone chimed and she fished it out of her pocket. After reading the text, she leaned over and kissed her girlfriend. “Apology accepted babe.” The night was uneventful, and Jasper was enjoying that. She had been under more stress recently than she really wanted in her life and she was happy to just relax with Amethyst. 

After the 3rd consecutive round of surfing through channels, Jasper took the remote from her mate. “There’s nothing on. Let’s talk.” Amethyst moved to make herself more comfortable, lounging so that Jasper could continue to lean against her. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Amethyst asked, running her fingers over Jasper’s shoulder. Jasper only shrugged in response. 

“There was more to the stuff with Laz … I wanted to talk to you about it if you’re okay with that.” Amethyst nodded. Of course there was more, there always was. And she didn’t believe for a moment that Lapis throwing a fit and breaking up with her girlfriend was what had sent Jasper into such a terrible mood. 

“Talk to me,” Amethyst said gently. “I want to know what’s going on with you.” 

“I’ve blocked her number Am, it’s over. She went to her meetings for about 3 days then dropped out. She can’t do it and I can’t be supporting her anymore.” Jasper put her head back down against Amethyst’s hip. “It’s so hard. I feel like I’m just abandoning her, but I can’t do it. I can’t be her support anymore, and I feel terrible about it!” Amethyst gently ran her hand through Jasper’s hair but didn’t speak. “I can’t put her health before mine, and right now trying to be there for her is putting me in an awful place. I was so hopeful that she was going to change, but it’s obvious she isn’t willing right now.” 

“It’s okay,” Amethyst said after Jasper had calmed down. “You’re right; you shouldn’t put her health over your own. It’s okay to decide you’ve had enough.” Jasper sighed, just as their phones chimed again. 

_I love the time I spend with you all as well. Jasp, we’re here for you through the bad and the good. –G_

“Did you mean what you said during that dumb drinking game?” Jasper spoke quietly. Her question seemed to come out of nowhere to Amethyst. 

“Huh? What did I say?” Jasper sat up as Amethyst put her phone down, looking puzzled. Jasper’s face darkened as Amethyst finally remembered what she had said. “That I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with you? Yea, of course I meant it Jay. Why would I say something like that and not mean it?!” 

“No, I didn’t think you wouldn’t mean it. Just, maybe not have really thought through the statement before you agreed to it.” Jasper didn’t make eye contact with Amethyst. 

“I knew exactly what I was saying. And I meant it.” As she replied, Amethyst was pulled into Jasper’s lap. 

“Soooooo, do you envision us getting married?” Jasper asked nervously. Amethyst’s face turned pink as she looked back at her girlfriend. 

“Dunno. Just, us coming to some agreement on how permanent our relationship is going to be.” Jasper cut Amethyst’s thought short as she tangled her fingers in the dark hair and kissed her girlfriend deeply. 

“I want this. I want us, for the rest of my life, Am. My dream of the future hasn’t changed in the last three years. It’s always you with me. I want to be by your side with or without a marriage license or civil union certificate. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I have you.” Jasper kissed Amethyst again before putting her mouth next to her girlfriend’s ear. “My love for you is eternal.”


End file.
